Rated: Take a fucking guess. Been a while since I've done this, but it's been a regular thing with each Fifty Shades of Butt-Fucking film that's come out over the past couple years, so I mine as well as finish it all the way to the climax. Climax, something none of these films have ever … Continue reading Fifty Shades Freed (2018) review (April drunken Fools edition)
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Death Wish (2018) review
Rated: 3.5 / 5 "So you're going to save the animal that shot him!?" "If I can." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzOYdNkKINA Rant So I was interested in seeing this film in November of last year when it was set to release, but then it got pushed back to May 2, 2018, due to concerns of it being released … Continue reading Death Wish (2018) review
Annihilation (2018) review
Rated: 5 / 5 Wait, no, that's not right. Time must be messing with my head. Rated: 3 / 5 There, that's better. So I wasn't entirely sure what to expect from this movie. Ok, that's a lie, I knew exactly what to expect in terms of plot. This is another one of … Continue reading Annihilation (2018) review
Thor: Ragnarok (2017) review
Rated: 2.5 / 5 I'm not going to lie, I wasn't looking forward to seeing this. "What's that? What the hell is wrong with you!? Do you not know how to be entertained!?" you may ask/shout. To which I would reply, "You sir/madam are too easily entertained." All the positive reviews this film has been … Continue reading Thor: Ragnarok (2017) review
Mystery Review for Black History Month and Valentine’s Day
So, what to review for this time of the year; this time of the month? I've been pondering a few films to review for black history month; which, to be honest, I think is kind of a stupid thing, because if there's going to be a black history month, then there should be a white … Continue reading Mystery Review for Black History Month and Valentine’s Day
The Voices (2015) review
Rated: 3 / 5 "Being alone in the world is the root of all suffering." Warning, this is one of those movies you should see before reading this spoiler-filled review. So if you haven't seen it yet, I would strongly advise watching it before reading this review. I watched this film 3 times. The first … Continue reading The Voices (2015) review
The Post (2018) review
Rated: 3/5 Intro Warning, this review gets political, makes no apologies about it, and gives no free flying fucks if you disagree with it (unless any of you dare to try having an honest discussion with me). You've been warned. The Post, a movie. Like how there was a TV series called The Office. Now … Continue reading The Post (2018) review
On the topic of films “based on true stories/events”
"[...] any time you hear the words 'based on a true story,' that's usually a translation for 'We bought the rights to this story, took out the boring parts, then made up just about everything else.'" -- Bill Simmons "I don't think the movie should be more important than the truth." -- Greg Paspatis "History … Continue reading On the topic of films “based on true stories/events”
Jumanji (1995) and Welcome to the Jungle (2017) dual review
Jumanji is one of my favorite films from the 90s. It's not just a good kid-flick, but a good film in general. So when I heard they were making a sequel to it, all I could think was, "Why?" Then I saw the trailer, and I thought, "WHY!?!?!?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QKg5SZ_35I My second thought was, "So this … Continue reading Jumanji (1995) and Welcome to the Jungle (2017) dual review
Star Wars: The Last Jedi review
Rated: 2.5 / 5 So I know what you're thinking. Will this review contain spoilers? You bet your ass it will. I'm gonna spoil the shit out of this movie. But before I do that, there's a few things I need to get off my chest. I'll put up a spoiler warning sign when I … Continue reading Star Wars: The Last Jedi review
The Anomalous Host 