Captain Marvel (2019) non-ass pro-drunk review/rant

Feminists, you’re going to fucking hate this.

The whole film is designed to be a feminine knee to the groin to us men who still have a pair of balls.  From pre-production to post-production to the film’s release and post-release, the cast and production company, plus various half-assed review sites, have done nothing but taunt us.  And speaking of taunting us and having half an ass, Brie Larson fits that description perfectly.  She wants less white men around about as much as she wants to have less of an ass.  Her and everyone else involved are completely aware of the fact that men love asses they can bounce a quarter off of, so what better way to put the joke on us by providing a lead with an ass where that’s physically impossible.  In fact, her ass defies the laws of physics.  It’s not only an ass incapable of bouncing, it does the opposite.  So if some poor schmuk decides he’s lucky enough to get laid by her, when he tries to penetrate/pound that ass hard enough to prove that it’s bounce-able, he will instead get sucked right into it, and then get shit out from the front end.

And he won’t survive the ordeal because her pussy will fuck you up.  Her pussy shreds her underwear to the point that it’s in style like it was at Victoria’s Secret.  So don’t believe Scarface what Scarface says.  When a cop points to the scar on his face and asks, “Where’d you get the beauty scar tough guy?  Eating pussy?”  The answer should most definitely be yes.  Samuel Jackson had to find that out the hard way, except the pussy ended up shredding his eye out rather than his cheek.  Not to mention her pussy has a void all its own as well, that’s why tentacles and shit come out of it.  That pussy spent too much time in Japan, maybe even too much time around Takashi Miike; it will also want to rape guys with those things so that they know how it feels.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But, of course, what makes a superhero special isn’t necessarily the powers they have gained or were given.  It’s not necessarily the skills they’ve acquired.  It’s not necessarily the experience they have.  Hell no.  It’s about what sex they are, or what sex they decide to define themselves as, and what sex they want to have sex with.  Because that’s an achievement based on merit which makes the world proud to view them as a savior.  Consider what would be so special about a gay guy, and what would make his merits stand out on his resume.

“‘We are proud of our gay son.’  I so I was saying, ‘That’s an odd thing to be proud of.’  Because, it’s not an achievement, you know.  It’s not something you work all your life to be gay or anything like that.  […]  These 50-60 year old men are actually bragging at work like, ‘Hey Bill, uh, my kid, we’re proud of him, Johnny.  He had graduated from Harvard, first in his class.  Now he’s articling over at Harvard law firm and uh…  oh and he loves cock!  He can’t get enough cock in his mouth, his ass.  I got a picture of the boy here sucking another man’s cock that I wanna show you.'”

It’s the same case with women.  It doesn’t matter their merits, it just matters that they’re their.  And if they love pussy, all the better, it will make them fit in with the men.  Next thing you know being in shape won’t be a requirement either, because we can’t shame the fat-asses from joining, especially those Latina chicks.  We gotta get them early before their ass fat spreads to the rest of their body.  We need an army build on diversity damnit!  Merit doesn’t matter anymore!

“So, are you finished?”

Nope, I’m just getting started baby.  All those rant paragraphs before are just me getting warmed up before I tackle this movie.  And I’m not going to tackle this one sober.  Time to get all fucked up.

“Wait, so you’re going to get blasted at a movie theater?”

While that is certainly a possibility, there are 2 problems with that.

1.) The alcoholic beverages are more overpriced at the theaters that sell them than they are at a fucking bar.

2.) I’d rather not give Disney my fucking money for this film, especially when both those working within the company, and the stars of Marvel films in general, tend to hate people like me; even when we’re being reasonable.  So if they’re not going to be reasonable with me, then I’m not going to be reasonable with them.

So if I’m not going to pay for it via some streaming service or at a theater, then what am I going to do?

“Thar she blows maytee!  And she is blowin’ hard!  Hand me a battle of the Caribbean Rum Jim, I’m going to need it before tackling this mighty beast.  After we’re done, the drinks are on me and we’ll go chasing wenches in circle like we used to be able to do at some fantasy place in Disneyland.”

 

 

 

 

Official movie poster.

Rated: I’ll tell you later

“The motherfucker who makes your fries at McDonald’s puts more effort into his job than this writing team put into this abortion of a script!”

— Weaponized Nerd Rage

So, the tribute to Stan Lee is nice.  Something they should absolutely do again for Endgame.  You know, to provide a proper closing.  To mark the end of an age.  To remind us all of the good times Marvel used to have.  Especially since he probably died of a heart attack after watching this movie and seeing how much his legacy has been, and is going to be, desecrated.

Speaking of which, looks like the fucking apocalypse is already upon us.  The film opens with darkness and ash and explosions and rubble flying all over the place.  The feminists have won and are taking over.  We need fucking Jean Luc Picard to travel back in time with the Enterprise again to stop all this.  Back to the 90s, quick, before Michael J. Fox develops Parkinson’s!

She has blue blood on her hands.  Oh my God, she killed the Smurfs.  Huh.  Maybe I’m going to enjoy this movie after all.

Oh, it was just a dream.  Hopefully that nightmare will never come to pass.

Capital of the Kree civilization.  Normally I’d say this doesn’t look half bad, except that every futuristic planet, whether human or alien, has been looking the same ever since Blade Runner.  The only difference is whether they want to shoot it in the daytime or at night.

Kree sounds nice.  It’s one letter away from being “free.”  Just like “Hero” is one later away from being “Her,” which is also one letter away from being “He.”  Muahahahah!  You ladies can’t escape from us lads!  You’ll always be building off of our backs!

“Do you know what times it is?”

“Can’t sleep.”

It’s the fucking daytime!  Well, then again, maybe this is more like Alaska.  It’s an alien planet.  For all we know, it has 2 suns, maybe 3.  Doesn’t seem to have stopped this “alien” planet from being populated with humans apparently.

“Wanna fight?”

Careful lady.  We all know how that turned out when Ryan Gosling asked that question (in the film that Stranger Things totally didn’t steal the music from).

In all fairness, the fight scene wasn’t half bad.  Showcasing how, uh, screw it, I’m just going to call her Brie for now.  Showcasing how Brie isn’t at the top of her game yet because she gets too emotional at times.  You know, like how people are going to get triggered at this review.  “I can’t beat him fairly.  Unleash superpower weapon, haaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”  Superpower being bitch and moan and whine and cry until moderators/corporations/politicians/authority gives them what they want.  Speaking of which, guess she has to go see “Supreme Intelligence.”  Which means she’ll have to go to puppet land and talk to Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

“What is the point of giving me *these* [gesturing her fists] if you don’t want me to use them.”

Try asking Bruce Lee about the art of fighting without fighting.

“Stop using *this* [points at the heart] and start using *this* [points to the head].  I want you to be the best version of yourself.”

I like this guy.  He has great advice for mental focus in fighting.  Here’s hoping he doesn’t turn into the villain later.

So the “Supreme Intelligence” can take any form, and takes for for each person who meets Supreme Intelligence (Jesus Christ, can’t they give it a name with fewer fucking syllables?).  And it takes the form of a woman in her 60s.  Her message is going to be, “So kids, vote for Democrats and people like Hillary during the next election season.  If men give you shit, protest by rubbing period blood on your face and running around naked and shouting.  Because no man in the world will want to fuck with you ever again once you start doing that.  And they will so take you seriously.”

“It’s all blank.  My life.”

And your face.

face warrant meme_marvel

“Put your people’s needs before your own.  We’ve given you a great gift.  […]  Master yourself.  What was given can be easily taken away.”

Ok, this is setting up for something.  Either Brie is going to go berserk and force them to take the power away from her (ala Thor), or the Kree and Supreme Intelligence (I’m just going to call it SI, and don’t fucking confuse that with the Spanish language!) are going to turn out to be the bad guys (like “The Dude” in Iron Man).

Hey!  It’s Korath!  That one guy no one really gives a shit about from Guardians of the Galaxy!  Can’t wait to hear his backstory that no one cares about.

Ok, I have to admit.  So far, despite my petty bitching, the first 8 minutes actually isn’t all that bad.  I’m just taking bets for how long it will take before the movie fucks it all up.

Wait.  So your going in to locate your spy, and then leave?  What, no exchange of information?  No rescue operation?  Or are they just leaving out that bit of information?  Eh, screw it.  I’ll just wait and see what happens.

“Nothing compromises the security of this mission,” he says while looking at Brie.  Jee, I wonder if she’s going to compromise the security of the mission.

Hexagon shields.  You know, if they were really that advanced, they’d be using triangle shields.

Phahahahahah!  Hahahahahah!  Ok, I heard they were doing callbacks to the 90s with this film.  But a fucking mohawk for their hair/helmet/armor style?  Seriously?  You haven’t even time traveled yet!  Then again, maybe this is their way of saying the 80s and 90s had awesome hair styles.  To which I will say… you’re goddamn right they did!

Ooooooooooh.  The enemy can shape-shift.  And here I started thinking they were just being portrayed as being misunderstood beings who want peace.

Great.  Brie thinks she’s ready for the military; next thing you know, she gets taken out and captured.

Whoop.  Timeline jump!  Now we’re on Earth.  Guess the aliens are starting to brainwash her.  They must be brainwashing her, because she walking all proud and smug and full of herself while in uniform.  You’re in an Army uniform (or Airforce, whatever), not in an MMA outfit.  If you want to act as smug as Ronda Rousey, at least do that much.

“My ass looks better than yours.  Damn right, it’s better than yours!”

“Where’s your head at?”

“In the clouds.  Where’s yours?”

“In Wakanda.”

Though all jokes aside, let us take a moment of silence for the air force pilot/consultant who gave the cast and crew pointers about real-life F-16 pilots/fighters, and then died in an F-16 crash.  Normally I’d say “Semper-fi,” but that’s a marine thing.  Guess I’ll go with, “Aces High.”

“Gotta show these boys how we do it.”

…  I’ll let that slide.  Just fun banter between the girls.

Holy shit!  She’s going to fly and crash into a circus tent!

Wait, what?  A flashback within a flashback?  Ok, you know what?  Fuck you movie.

“You’re going too fast!  You need to go slow!”

Says the “boy.”  Oh God.  I’m sensing a pattern here.  A fighting instructor who tells her to keep her emotions in check.  An “intelligence” telling her to more or less do the same.  And some random kid in a race cart telling her not to push herself.  There’s 2 possibilities, though just bringing this up is completely fucking rhetorical, especially when considering we’re dealing with a Disney flick.  Either she really is outta control and too much of a daredevil for her own good and needs to reign herself in (getting captured by the aliens seems to indicate as much), or the men and the boys are holding her back too much, and she needs to let loose and show them how it’s done.  Because having a bit of restraint is always a bad thing.  Says the guy who’s making a drunken rant about a movie with alleged feminist propaganda.

And then she crashes and burns and dies!!!!  Ahahahahahah!  Ok, I take it back.  I think this movie is leaning towards the former.

“What the hell are you thinkin’?  You don’t belong out here!”

— Brie’s dad?

Uhhh…

Another timeline transition to army camp, where she’s climbed atop a rope and intends to jump to the next rope.

*guy laughter*  “You’re not strong enough!”

She tries to jump to the next rope, fails, then falls.

“They’ll never let you fly.”

Grrrrrr…

“You’re a decent pilot, but you’re too emotional.”

Ok, I know I’m getting ahead of the movie here, but this guy is full of shit.  “Too emotional” is not a trait Brie’s face possesses.

You know, all this jumping around with the timeline, and showing the orange-haired pussy.  You’d think the film would take its own motherfucking advice and fucking “Focus.”

Holy shit.  She turned into Samus Aran!  Seriously, the way that “gun” thing attached to her hand looks (and speaking of female protagonists of the past who kick ass).

A Skrull screeches at her, she screeshes back.  ROFL!

But honestly, I’m tired of these action sequences Marvel comes out with.  All of them are assisted of CG, none of them compare to actual honest to God martial arts sequences made by Asians that Disney attempts a hollow recreation of (let alone the fight scene from Only God Forgives).  They peaked with Captain America: The Winter Soldier.  Everything else went downhill from there.  It’s just monotonous at this point.  If you’re going to have a fight sequence, either try to make it really fucking good, or just make the damn thing character-focused.  One of the best pointless fight sequences ever is in The Girl From Naked Eye.  One of the best character-driven fight sequences is Luke vs. Vader in The Empire Strikes Back.

I’m only 20 minutes into this movie.  I’m getting worried about my ability to keep going at the rate I’m consuming alcohol.  Maybe doing 20 push-ups will help.

*20 push-ups later*

Focused again.  Let’s see you judgemental motherfuckers try doing 20 push-ups while shit-faced.  I bet half of you reading this couldn’t do it while sober.  “Well why don’t you try making us look bad by doing 50 push-ups you pansy ass?”  Because I’m not in the military like Brie, much less the airforce!  I don’t have pecs you can bounce cherry’s off of and have women from all over the world salivate over like Dwayne Johnson does!

If a woman’s tits can do that, I would love to fucking see it!  Seriously, please, send me a link to an image where that happens.

Holy shit.  She is using those things like Samus Aran.  What the fuck Disney?  Why don’t you try making a Metroid movie?  Please!  With all this pro-feminism stuff you’re shove down our cocksucking throats, and with the amount of power-grabbing you’ve been doing in the film industry, that should be easy pickings for you.

Ok, I see where this is going.  She’s learning about how strong she really is when she lets loose and just goes all out with her powers (of feminism).  She can hold her own, take out a bunch of aliens fuck up their ship, and then hijack it (or at least attempt to).  Guess all the “men” and “boys” were wrong about her after all.  Next thing you know, Doctor Ruth will be telling her how she can dominate men sexually.

Heheh, and she blasts the computer monitor showing a man giving her advice.

Whoah, wait, what the fuck?  So a Skrull blasts one of the controller parts to the escape pod she’s operating, and she still somehow manages to use it to escape the ship?  And he taunts her before she hijacks it after that?  Well now I feel like shaking my head back and forth violently just because I’m pissed and not because of the fucking booze.

Looks like the ship is blowing up too.  Whatever.

Now you see, this is why I’m not really into these superhero films anymore, not since Civil War.  These fucking people, these fucking plots.  There isn’t any real stakes to the action sequences that go on for 90% of the time.  Why should we be worried about the protagonist when they’re faced against a dozen enemies that can physically assault them, when they’re capable of re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere?  Why should be be concerned about the protagonists when they get blasted by some lazer beam (whether from a weapon or from someone’s hands, or eyes, or ass, or crotch, or tits), when their sparring partner shrugs that off during a training session?  Why should we ever give a rat’s ass about the action sequences when we are incapable of knowing what their limits are, let alone when they are pushing those alleged limits?  I just don’t really give a shit anymore about the superhero franchise because of this stuff.  It’s also why Batman is my favorite of the bunch (yeah, I know he’s not Marvel, but so the hell what?).  At least he’s relatable.  At least we know he’s human like the rest of us, and is thus susceptible to the same kind of harm we face everyday, Hollywood actions scenes where they take three times the amount of damage any normal in-shape person would be capable of sustaining aside.  It would help if we could at least be shown the superhero’s limitations.  Fuck, I need to watch One Punch Man at some point.

Ah yes, the Blockbuster video crash.  She’s the reason why they went Bankrupt, and now have to make their last stand in Oregon!  Why couldn’t she crash into an adult toy shop and long on a giant fucking dildo?  That’s the only thing that would want to penetrate her flat ass.

Pfft.  She sees someone, and her first reaction is to blast it (but it’s a poster).  Way to show how inconsequential letting loose your powers/emotions can be.

“Veers to Starforce command, do you copy?”

“This is Buzz Lightyear, I read you loud and clear.  Help me become real!”

Let the 90s nostalgia fly!  In all honesty, I was a Blockbuster person in the day (even if I had to deal with shitty DVDs and VHS tapes that customers somehow managed to scratch/fuck up; what the fuck kind of lessons in responsibility were those asshats taught?), but I was never really into RadioShack.  Do think it would make for an interesting location for a zombie apocalypse film though.  Now with that said, I’d like to see her kick the ever-loving-shit out of Bill Cliton, and then have the power rangers gang-bang her (that includes the yellow ranger, and whoever else was a female ranger), and then have Stone Cold Steve Austin give her a stunner, and then proceed to pour concrete into her pansy escape pod while giving it the birdy.  And then let’s see how well she stands up against moon shoes, skateboards, roller blades, pokemon, animaniacs, , and Super Saiyans!  While she’s in the hospital, she can watch Daria to recover emotionally.

And now the Beach Girls are coming after her.

Wait, what the fuck?  The Kree are 24 hours away from Earth, after doing a fucking mission on a planet where she was captured and then crashed onto Earth a few hours later!?!?!?  ‘Dis is what, as they say in the 90s, bullshit!  And the whole collect call for galactic communication is bullshit too.

“Have you ever been to CB53?”

“Once.  It’s a real shithole.”

Considering how the aliens tend to always land in either California, or New York, or Washington DC, I tend to agree.  Now just imagine if they landed in Mexico, or China, or somewhere in Africa or the Middle East.

“Witness says she was dressed for lazer tag.”

And if there were more kids playing lazer tag today compared to the 90s, there’s a decent chance there would be less fatasses running around.  You can say what you want about lazer tag being cheesy and made for infants, us motherfuckers who know what real lazer tag is like know that you have to be in as much shape for that shit as you would for paintball!  Run!  Jump over the barricade, turn 180 degrees, and shoot the motherfucker chasing you, assuming you don’t get your digital brains blown out by the guy who was after you!  On a personal note, that shit was more fun than this movie.

You know, I have to admit.  As much as I expect to dislike this movie, that Stan Lee cameo does tug at the heartstrings.

So I was ok with the fight sequence on the train (just “ok” with it, not considering it as good or bad), up until the point where after she break free of the 3 guys who were holding her back (why they would attempt to restrain her after seeing the backflips granny could do, I wouldn’t know, I’d be sitting back and eating my popcorn watching the event unfold if I was on that train at that point).  But the moment after that, when she’s pursuing the alien and picking up the crystal, everyone seems way too fucking casual at that point.  You’d think everyone would be wide-eyed and in shock.  I mean, it’s the fucking 90s for Christ’s sake.  Films like this haven’t been invented yet, even if that generation would be salivating over the idea of a film where some young broad would kick the shit out of an grandma.  That’s like every 90s teenager’s wet dream, next to getting married to The Little Mermaid and banging Sharon Stone.

“I’m still at the Blockbuster.”

Now wait a goddamn minute.  When the fuck did the Skrull manage to pull off that infiltration technique without anyone noticing?  Amidst all the police and SHIELD agents?  That’s just stupid, just like Rotten Tomatoes deleting 40k+ reviews.

Hey Jackson, shouldn’t you be calling in a top secret team for Area 51 or something to cover up this alien activity?  Or do you want Mulder and Scully to show up and blow the case wide open?

“Nice scuba suit.  Lighten up honey, got a smile for me?”

Yeheheheh.  Hehe.  Hehe.  Ehe-shaddup movie.

She just stole the jacket off that mannequin and exposed its tits!  She’s fucking sexist!

“How’s your eye.”

“It’s fine.”

Yeah, a fake-out over Nick Fury lost his eye.  Nice try movie.  We all know from Winter Soldier that he lost his eye because he trusted someone too much.  Someone is going to stab him in the back to cause him to lose his eye.  And this shouldn’t be the movie to make that happen.  Should be some espionage flick, preferably with Black Widow.

This is fucking stupid!  There’s no fucking way the buttfucking Skrulls could’ve infiltrated SHIELD personnel this quickly without being noticed!  What the fuck kind of an operation are they running here?  Just because this takes place in the 90s doesn’t mean they can get away with 90s film logic.  This isn’t a fucking Andy Sidaris film, which I would be watching instead of this, especially if I wanted to see a nice girl with a great ass.

Uh, where is Brie going on that motorcycle?  How would she know where to go?  Is she just driving around for the fuck of it like Easy Rider?  Explain movie!  Explain!!!

Flashbacks at a bar, including on a Street Fighter II machine.  Captain Marvel is so Mary Sue, she’ll whip anyone’s ass at Street Fighter II.  We’ll see what Sirin has to say about that (that’s an in-joke reference only the most hardcore of gamers would get).

A bar with air force photos?  Ok, now this film is being way too fucking coincidental.  Just like in The Force Awakens, where they’re all like, “Hey look, let’s pilot the Millennium Falcon!”  *8 minutes later*  “Hey look, there’s Hand Solo and Chewy to take the Falcon back!”  Damn you Disney and you lazy plot contrivances!

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?  How the fuck did fucking Jules track fucking Brie to that fucking bar?  Even for a fucking superhero film this is pushing the state of disbelief too far.  How the fuck did he pull that off?  Did he get into communication with Picard and say something like, “Energize me motherfucker!” and then just teleport to the fucking bar that they fucking knew she would fucking be at even though fucking technology didn’t develop fucking tracking devices that fucking far in the fucking 90s?

“Grunge is a good look for you.”

Grunge is a good look for anyone.  Especially with how shitty music is today.  Go back to the 90s when music actually mattered, like with Nirvana and Alice in Chains.

“I was never one to believe in aliens.  But I can’t un-see that.  Especially when their dicks are bigger than mine.”

“This is gonna get a little awkward, but I gotta ask.”

“Yes, I looked at it.”

“Can’t be too careful.”

“Ok, fine.  I thought about sucking it too.”

Jesus Christ!  What the fuck is going on!?  Fury decides to immediately spill his guts (metaphorically), put his trust in her, and then take this alien bitch to a top secret base?  Would’ve been more interesting if SHIELD ambushed her and took her there by force, and then Fury got to know her by interrogating her on the way there or something.  Hell, I can’t imagine him being so trusting after being a Cold War spy.  This film is bullshit.

“Lightspeed?  Can’t admit that’s the craziest thing I’ve heard today.”

Yeah, until you hear about the Enterpise’s warp speed.  I’m sorry; this fucking film makes it too goddamn tempting to resist make Star Trek and Star Wars jokes.  They’re practically writing themselves.  Weaponized Nerd Rage was wrong about this film, this movie is 100% riff-able.

Brie Larson isn’t worthy of wearing a NIN shirt.  She should be wearing a fucking Heart shirt, at best.  She’s not worthy of sporting grunge rock.

“Impressive.”

“Oh.  You should see what I can do with a paper clip.”

The potential for that line, especially in the context of espionage and stuff kept from the eyes of the public.  Operation Paperclips anyone?

You know, Brie, there’s less evidence of a break-in if you let Fury use his tape trick to open a door as opposed to blowing the fucking thing open.  On the other hand, I guess enough time has passed in this film to where you just had to blow something.

You know, at some point, you just have to take a step back and ask yourself just what the fuck these people are doing.  Seriously.  What is going on here?  How did we get from tracking down Skrulls on the planet, to going to a top secret base and looking at classified documents?  I don’t get it.  Asking about flight plans, the writing style of some individual.  Can we just have Cthulhu show up to bring the whole thing full circle or something?  Why the hell are these people here and why the fuck are they going through secret documents!  What the fuck does that have to do with the Skrulls?  Why the fuck should Brie even give a shit?  Guess she doesn’t, which is why she looks bored half the time.  Goddamnit, you’re making me want to watch a different movie.  And that orange pussy isn’t tempting me to stick around.  Seriously, what the fuck kind of a top secret facility is this where security cameras aren’t around to make sure the areas are clear (Terminator 2 certainly had them at an insane asylum for Sarah Conner, another chick more badass in the 90s than Brie is in the 2010s)?  What the fuck kind of a top secret facility has animals just wandering around?  Security guards would be using that orange pussy for practice.  Donald Trump would be paying a visit to that security by now and grabbing that pussy, especially since it matches the color of his hair.

“You ok?”

She’s fine!  Her wooden face expression hasn’t fucking changed at all since you entered the fucking room, much less the facility!

Regular hero, superhero, the face expression stays the same.

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!?!?!?  She’s communicating to her space/alien superiors using a fucking phone from the fucking top secret military base!?  How the fuck is security not on top of this?

“It’s a Marvel superhero movie.  It’s not supposed to be taken seriously.”

Oh blow me!  You don’t use that excuse on Batman vs. Superman, let alone Justice League, or a Michael Bay flick!  And to all you fat tranny bitches with died hair, that’s not a literal invitation to blow me.  Learn about metaphors in Creative Writing 101 when your not sucking off your professor in Liberal Arts class.

Seriously, this Kree infiltration is bullshit.  Don’t the screenwriters know anything about buildup?  Tension-building?  Like letting the audience know that the Skrulls (that sounds like a 70s gangbanger) have been on Earth for a while, and have infiltrated the government on several levels or something?  ‘Cause as far as I can tell, we’re to believe that these illegal aliens landed and infiltrated 1, maybe 2 days ago tops.  Yeah, there’s that bit about some cunt-fingering Skrull who has been there long enough to write in a book that was confiscated by a top secret agency, but we’re not exactly getting a smooth introduction into this whole thing.

“But this was made for Marvel fanboys, and fangirls, and fanneutrals.”

The hell it was!  This film retcons more shit in the Marvel comic universe than Iron Man 3 did!  And the fanneutrals can kiss Bender’s shiny metal ass!

Mar-vel?  Ah.  Ahahahahah.  Ahahah.  Ahahahahahahahahah!  Ok, when does the plumber or milkman show up, and when does the porn start?  The plot is at that level at this point.  You mine as well as start calling someone Peaches, Tess Tingler, Butt Eiful, and Lick Bait.

How you get me to watch an Ant Man movie.

It’s very fucking apparent at this point that the Kree are full of shit.  If they build this up to some, “What a twist!” moment, I swear to God, I’m going to choke a fucking chicken after drop-kicking a pussy- … -cat through the ceiling.

Ok, I guess this flew over my head earlier because it’s so stupid.  And because I’m drunk.  Brie’s character name is Vers.  Not well versed in acting is she?  You see how fucking easy this film is making things for me?  It’s making it too easy!  I’m only 50 minutes into this thing, and I’ve spent over 3 fucking hours trying to get through this thing!  I should be watching fucking Blankman!

Brbrbrbrb!!!  And they didn’t see her come out that door on the stairway!?  You know what, fuck it.  I’m going to try not to care.  The film’s shit has already hit the fan at this point, so I mine as well as stop worrying about the dingle-berries.

Security guards disappearing until conveniently showing up later during action sequences.

I take it back.  As much as the potential would be great to have Fury’s eye blown out during a Black Widow movie, it’s possible to have some Skrull do it who is impersonating one of his close associates.

“Do you know how to fly this thing?”

[…]

“Yes.”

Piss off.

And they fly through a hanger where the doors to the landing bay are wide open, at a top secret military facility.  …  Go fuck yourself, with a cactus.

The fucking pussy cat is on the fucking plane too!?  Jesus Christ, that does it.  I need something else to watch.  This is driving me nuts.  Wait, scratch that.  I don’t need something else to watch.  I need something else to read.  Fuck Marvel and fuck DC.  Save me Patriotika!  Show them how a real superwoman with a great bust and a great ass can really kick ass, without the plot contrivances.

6 years ago?  Maybe she was a Russian who Tom Cruise blasted out of the sky during the 80s.  Makes about as much sense as the rest of this shit.

Hey!  Vers (aka Brie Larson) can smile!  Fuck this movie for shaming men otherwise for asking her to do so earlier in the film!  Her acting and emotions are still forced though.  It’s like she’s uncomfortable when she has to emote, and is more comfortable when she’s not giving a shit.

Was that the main baddie from Thor: The Dark World?  I thought it was widely accepted that he was one of, if not the, weakest villains in the MCU?  Guess Disney really does know their audience.

Nick Fury is a glorified lap dog in this movie.

Well, Vers uses her powers to heat up a tea kettle.  Nice to see that women are returning to the kitchen.  Now if only she would take that fucking NIN shirt off.  For one thing, she doesn’t deserve to wear it.  For another, hey, be nice to give us some fan service.  No?  Well that’s fine, other fans did it for us.  Rule 34 and all.

What?  Were you expecting me to push the envelope after the last image?  Get used to disappointments, like I have.

Phahah!  I love how the editing works with her conversation with her black friend.  How she’s shown to be chuckling and smiling one moment as a, “The good old times,” one moment, only to see her “bored out of her mind” face expression 2 cuts later.  “This is bullshit, I did not hit her.  I did naught.  …  Oh hi Mark.”

He’s an alien who kidnapped her and brainwashed her to the ways of his world before returning her to Earth.  It all makes sense now!

Is her black friend looking at her lines at various points during this conversation?

Where’s the fucking orange pussy at?  Shouldn’t the little girl be playing with it right now?

Ok, I don’t know if that moment with the Skrull drinking soda out of a cup was supposed to be funny or not, but it managed to get me laughing.

Shame on this movie for not making a, “The cat’s out of the bag,” joke.  It would’ve been stupid, but at least it wouldn’t be insulting my intelligence with trying to convince me that this is a smart movie.  It’s fucking dumb.  You mine as well as make fucking dumb jokes.

How would the Skrull be able to locate, steal, and bring about this CD with the audio recording?  It’s… um… I don’t even… fuck it.

And she survives that crash?  Without being knocked unconscious?  But that’s…  yay feminism!

“You’re blood.  It’s blue.”

“Yeah, well, how’s my hair?”

I have a feeling I’ll be getting back to that line of logic.

Heheheheheh.  Mar-Vel.  An old alien lady who is dying and gives her final death speech to some woman whom she hopes will carry on the legacy after she is gone.  Yep, seems like a good metaphor for Marvel studios today.  We already have old hags fucking up the Star Wars legacy.  Marvel is next on the chopping block.

Yep.  The Skrulls turn out to be the good guys.  The Kree turn out to be the villains.  Like how “her” isn’t really a “hero.”  Doop-dee-doo.

“Everything that I knew as a lie!”

So I guess you could say, *puts on sunglasses*, that you’ve been red pilled.  Yeahhhhhhhh!!!

Her acting here after being red-pilled.  It’s like Brie’s acting ability somehow gets worse as the movie goes on.

Refugees.  People viewed as villains who are simply misunderstood like Maleficent.  They’re really the good guys.  A message told in the presence of women and black people.  Like in reality.  Dumb-de-dum-dumb.  Now that we’ve got that bit of subliminal messaging out of the way…

Yeah, consider what kind of example you’ll set for your daughter.  Help out a superhero who doesn’t need any help at the risk of leaving your daughter without a mother.  It’s not enough that we’ve already got the “single mother” cliche going on here.

Brbrbrb!  Where’d she get the superhero costume?  Fuck it, nevermind.

Fuck off.  The neon light suit was great!

“How do I look?”

Not as good as this:

You know, I’m pretty sure things would’ve worked out better if no Skrull stayed behind disguised as Superbitch to let Mr. Bruce Lee know that “she knows.”  I’m thinking a better alternative was to scatter and let Mr. Villain search just a few hours more before the oh so convenient finale.

When blasting that ship off into space, shouldn’t the orange pussy be up against the back of the ship like last time?

Eye-roll moment of refugee family being on plot device ship.  I thought you motherfuckers already dealt with the whole refugee metaphor in Thor: Ragnarok?  Well, guess they gotta milk that message like they do the franchises they own.

Seriously?  They’re playing the Nirvana song everyone’s heard in the Supreme Intelligence scene?  How about you go a little more niche and play some fucking “Meat Puppets – Backwater” or something?

Alright already!  Jesus!  Stop bashing us over the head with the refugee theme!  Oh those poor innocent illegal immigrants who in no way contribute to the crime statistics!  Get fucked.

And the whole thing of, “She’s powerless to do anything about it.”  Come on.  Get it over with already so she can Mary Sue this shit.  I’ve been bored with this move for an hour now.

And there it is.  Finally.  Going all Mary Sue.  The cat too.  So I can watch the rest of this care-free, until I drop it into the blue.

So somehow, their weaponry can’t destroy an Earth vessel.  Mhmm.

Yadi-yada-fucking-yada.  Earth ship and Earth pilot can outmaneuver and destroy an experienced top class alien ship and alien pilot..

Oh come on.  Seriously?  She just wiped out a space fleet.  You expect there to be any tension in this final mono-y-mono showdown?  Ah, but they decide not to have that mono-y-mono fight.  Because they know she’s overpowered enough.  And because she probably knows she’s not skilled enough without her powers to beat him.  Ain’t that typical.  On the other hand, it would’ve been more insulting if they did show it that way.

Yeah yeah yeah, refugee home feeling stuff.  And Fury loses his eye over a pussy.  By trusting someone too much in Winter Soldier, he meant trusting pussy too much.  Put too much trust in the pussy, you’ll become partially blind to reason.  Makes sense to me.  Just get this film over with.

I have to admit, Samuel Jackson seems to be acting out of character when it comes to portraying Nick Fury in this film.  I’m not kidding, this is not the Nick Fury I’ve seen in ALL of the previous Marvel films, from Iron Man and onwards.  They toned down his seriousness more than they toned down Scarface in the edited for television version.

And thank fuck that’s over with.

It’s really hard to give a shit about this movie.  It’s boring, and at times annoying.  The only point in time when it had anything of interest to it was during the first 15 minutes, and that’s about it.  I don’t get what people see in this movie to make it a box office hit.  Plot contrivances, plot holes, betraying some of what was setup earlier in the franchise (and I’m sure there are Marvel fans who actually give a shit about this franchise who can tear this film a new one far better than I when it comes to contradictions and whatnot), and no tension whatsoever during the finale.  This film may not have killed the franchise, but it certainly put the nail on the coffin.  Maybe even hammered it in a small tap.  If Endgame doesn’t hammer that nail down even further, the film after that certainly will.

Otherwise, like I said, I stopped really giving a shit ever since Civil War.  I don’t have a dog in this fight other than rooting for the franchise’s downfall, and Disney’s destruction (or at least near-destruction until they change their ways).  Just for the sake of getting more decent films (on average) back into theaters.  Well, if this film, and the franchise, is so eager to capitalize on great stuff from the 90s and earlier, I say it’s only fair that I do the same, and continue watching films and shows from a better era.  TV shows of today may be good for now, but even their downward spiral is beginning.  It’s been happening ever since the last season of Game of Thrones.  It’s all going to come crashing down like the gaming crash of the 80s.  And I’m going to be stocking up in preparation for it.

So, in a nutshell, this film is dull.  Pass.

 

Rated: 1.5 pussy farts / 5

 

Dance Twerking GIF - Dance Twerking Funnycat GIFs

 

PS: Guess how long it took Letterboxd to take this review down?  I’ll give you a hint: it took less than 24 hours.

mv

When you can’t avoid political diatribes.

Stop being reasonable. Start being rational.

Stefan Molyneux

So as some of you may know, I have been following and listening to Slaughterfilm for some time.  Actually, I’ve been following them since September 2012.  Over 6 years.  That’s about as long as I followed and watched WWE (2002-2008).  Well, that’s ending.  And, you guessed it, it’s for political reasons.  Which brings up the question, “Am I allowing politics to rule my life?  Am I allowing politics to define me?  Are my politics making me unreasonable?”

When it comes to all that, I don’t know.  I guess that would depend on how much influence politics has on one’s life, and how much influence politics should have on one’s life.  Obviously there should be some influence, otherwise what’s the point of voting?  What’s the point of being educated on those you elect to represent you?  To some extent, everyone wants their beliefs and way of life (or at least the way they believe society should be) to be the norm, let alone be accepted.  A way of life that they not only wish themselves and others to live, but also to be represented culturally, such as in film and literature.  Because they believe their way, or at least some ways, are better than other ways.  In fact, you can go further.  Other ways are dangerous enough to threaten their way of life, and the ways of other lifestyles.  So it’s only natural to bring up defenses against those alternative ways, lest you don’t believe them to be a threat, or better yet, lest you believe their way to be superior to the one you’re currently living.

This can come in various forms.  The form of government (Democracy, Republic, Democratic-Republic, Communist, Totalitarian, Anarchist, etc), the economic system to keep it running (Capitalist, Socialist, something else), and the culture that keeps it together (nationalism, internationalism, multiculturalism).  The primary focus of this blog post will be more on the cultural aspect, the culture I have chosen to follow, what I identify as, how it influences me today, and why it puts me enough at odds with a horror podcast that I have followed for years to the point where I no longer will follow them.

In the past, with schooling and such, I was raised to be multiculturalist.  You know, the melting pot and all that.  That America is a nation of free speech, and independence.  A form of government and way of life that it offers freely to any other country that will accept it.  A nation that at one point prided itself on free speech and independence, prided itself on having liberty and justice for all.  And just to make sure we’re clear on what “liberty” is:

The condition of being free from restriction or control.

The right and power to act, believe, or express oneself in a manner of one’s own choosing.

Freedom from unjust or undue governmental control.

A right or immunity to engage in certain actions without control or interference: the liberties protected by the Bill of Rights.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th Edition

And just to make sure we’re clear on “justice”:

The upholding of what is just, especially fair treatment and due reward in accordance with honor, standards, or law.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th Edition

So of course we would want that for everyone.  I don’t see any problem with that.  It all sounds great.

At least on the surface.

But there are a few issues that have grown in America (and have arguably been around since its inception) that make those ideas seem impossible to achieve.  Liberty and Justice can be at odds with each other on occasion.  For instance, if one is free from restrictions and control, that theoretically makes them free to do just about anything they please.  There’s the safe stuff: playing games, watching films, small-talk with others, doing various activities such as hiking, riding horses, etc.  But when those lack of restrictions and control makes one capable of doing activities at the expense of others, such as murdering someone, raping someone, stealing from someone; well then that is when justice is usually demanded.  And justice would normally involve the removal of certain liberties.  Paying a fine for the theft, serving jailtime (and thus severely restricting if not altogether eliminating the liberties one possessed).  After all, one can utilize their liberties to take away the liberties of others.  Justice does the same.  Ideally, justice exists to dissuade those from acting in such a way as to utilize their liberties to remove the liberties of others.  In practice, justice tends to become corrupted,  either occasionally, frequently, maybe even inevitably.

While these may be perfect ideals, we live in an imperfect world.  We are imperfect, so it should come as no surprise that our rulers and those we elect to uphold justice are also imperfect.  We can only hope to do the best we can with a form of government and economy that is the least susceptible to corruption until we learn to live by those ideals of liberty and justice that we hold so dear.

That is why we are not ready for a multiculturalist society.  Because cultures have a habit of imposing themselves on others, and thus attempt to use their liberties to remove the liberties of other cultures.  In fact, a multiculturalist society tends to give birth to the idea that a good society is one without any culture at all.  This is wrong for a number of reasons.  Firstly, liberty promotes the idea of not only an individual with his own wants/desires, but also of the idea that each independent and unique individual is capable of getting along with each other while maintaining their identity/beliefs/culture.  And you’ll have to forgive me ladies; I’m in no mood to bother including “she” or “her” in my sentences anymore than the original Star Trek series had time for it with the saying, “Where no man has gone before,” compared to the lesser TNG saying, “Where no one has gone before,” because why the fuck should humanity care if humans aren’t the ones going somewhere?  That being said, it’s a few certain episodes from Star Trek: The Next Generation, a show created as the result of writers/producers/directors/actors living in a nationalist society with its own unique culture and beliefs.  For those who aren’t familiar with it, that’s fine.  I aim to demonstrate.

In Star Trek: The Next Generation, there are a few episodes dedicated to the threat of an alien faction known as the Borg.  They are a society with no identity, with no individualism, and arguably without a culture.  They are of the hive mind, something that we have been making fun of as of late at the expense of social justice warriors, by calling them NPCs (non-player-characters).  They each share the same identity, the same information (ie memories), and the same purpose.  They don’t act individually, but collectively.  And that purpose is to assimilate all other societies for the sake of assimilating their culture into their own.  But no matter how many they assimilate for information and advancement, their cause never changes.  They ultimately never evolve outside of technological advancement.  They never come to a point where they are satisfied as they are, with the knowledge they have, to live independently of everyone else.  And ultimately, they never really grow, and never really learn, outside of adapting to warfare.  Like with Invasion of the Body Snatchers, to them, it’s the race that’s important, not the individual.

Troi: We’re not dealing with an individual mind. They don’t have a single leader. It’s the collective minds of all of them.

Picard: That would have definite advantages.

Troi: Yes, a single leader can make mistakes which is far less likely in the combined whole.

 

 

The Borg is the ultimate user.  They are unlike any threat your Federation has ever faced.  They’re not interested in political conquest, wealth, or power as you know it.  They’re simply interested in your ship, your technology.  They have identified it as something they can consume.

— Q

 

From the look of it, the Borg are born as a biological life form. It seems that almost immediately after birth, they begin artificial implants. Apparently, the Borg have developed the technology to link artificial intelligence directly into the humanoid brain.

— Riker

Like getting kids indoctrinated into leftist schools at as early an age as possible.

 

When the Borg destroyed my world, my people were scattered throughout the universe. We survived – as will humanity survive. As long as there’s a handful of you to keep the spirit alive, you will prevail – even if it takes a millennium.

— Guinan

 

Picard: I have nothing to say to you; and I will resist you with my last ounce of strength.

The Borg: Strength is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. We wish to improve ourselves. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours.

Picard: Impossible. My culture is based on freedom and self-determination.

The Borg: Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant. You must comply.

Picard: We would rather die.

The Borg: Death is irrelevant. Your archaic cultures are authority-driven. To facilitate our introduction into your societies, it has been decided that a human voice will speak for us in all communications. You have been chosen to be that voice.

 

 

Locutus: Why do you resist? We only wish to raise quality of life, for all species.

Worf: I like my species the way it is!

 

The Borg have neither honor nor courage. *That* is our greatest advantage.

— Worf

A terrifying concept.  Yet we see it in action to this very day, with the concept of socialism and multiculturalism.  Because true multiculturalism cannot exist without nationalism.  Because if there aren’t a collection of cultures and societies that maintain their distinctness, their own zone to be themselves, then it’s a farce.  Assimilating cultures ultimately eliminates those cultures, until there is only one left.  True multiculturalism with acknowledge the need for many societies with their own nationalist tendencies to exist.  White nationalism, black nationalism, American nationalism, Mexican nationalism, Japanese nationalism, Chinese nationalism.  The Romans once had their own culture, their own nationalism; but they allowed multiple cultures and immigrants to thrive in their society, they tried multiculturalism, they allowed themselves to become too lenient and lazy, and look how that turned out.

Even those who wish to see what other societies and cultures have to offer should hate the idea of multiculturalism.  When an American goes to Japan, or watches Japanese films and shows, do he do so because he wants more of what they’re used to in their society?  Or is it because he wants to experience the Japanese culture in all its glory?  Their cat fetishes, their wacky shows, their tea ceremonies, their temples, dances, masks, etc.  I doubt they would want to go there for the sole reason of experiencing the fucking weather.  The same applies for when one wants to go to Israel, or Somalia, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, China, Thailand, Mexico… or hell, even Hawaii.  Even though Hawaii is a state of the United States, they still hold on to a good portion of the customs they had prior to becoming a part of the United States.  And many of them still resent becoming a part of the United States.  They have a nationalist pride, even though they are not a nation.

Having one society/culture live peacefully with another can also be shown to have its detriments in another episode of Star Trek TNG: Birthright part II.  It tackles the concept of two societies coexisting peacefully as one, and the downsides to doing so (though there are upsides; either way, coexistence or not, both ways of living have an aura of unreasonable selfishness).  Where one race, the Romulans, live side-by-side with the Klingons.  And all you pro-safe-space candy-asses, take note of the next quote:

A place can be safe and still be a prison.

— Worf

 

Worf: You robbed the Klingons of who they were. You dishonored them.

 

Worf: I have done nothing more than show them who they are.

Tokath: No. You have shown them what you want them to be.

 

Today I learned the ritual hunt, but that is not all I learned. I discovered that warriors’ blood runs through my veins. I do not know how, or why, but we have forgotten ourselves. Our stories are not told, our songs are not sung! Tonight, as we came home, we sang a song of victory – a song known only to me as a lullaby – but it is a warrior’s song: “Bak’ta tu mo” – Fire streaks the heavens! “So-ja du wo” – Battle has begun!

— Toq

 

Tokath: We’ve put aside the old hatreds. Here, Romulans and Klingons live in peace. I won’t allow you to destroy what we have.

Worf: Do not deceive yourself. These people are not happy here. I see the sadness in their eyes.

Tokath: That’s not what I see when I look in my wife’s eyes. I married a Klingon. So you see, when I warn you not to disrupt our lives here, I’m not speaking just as a jailor; but as a man protecting his family.

 

Worf: I would not have thought it possible… to love a Romulan.

 

Ba’el: If there is anything that I’ve learned from you, from your reaction to me, it’s that I have no place out there. Other Klingons will not accept me for what I am.

Worf: And if I stay here, these Klingons will not accept me for what I am.

 

 

Tokath: Enough of this. We could talk all night and not convince each other. I offer you a choice: live with us, as one of us…

Worf: Or?

Tokath: Or I will have you… put to death.

Worf: Then that is what you will have to do.

 

Ba’el: They will kill you!

Worf: Yes, but they will not defeat me.

 

Tokath [to everyone present]: I know that there are those among you who may question what I’m about to do – and you would not be wrong to do so. I have questioned myself. I have spent the night considering my decision, challenging myself to justify whether it *is* right, and I have reached the conclusion that it is absolutely necessary… to put this man to death. What we have built together would be destroyed by this man, and I cannot allow that to happen.

Tokath: [to Worf] I give you one last chance to accept our way of life.

Worf: Those are eloquent words, Tokath, but the truth is, I am being executed because I’ve brought something dangerous to your young people: knowledge.

That’s the key word, knowledge.  What if one acquires knowledge of other cultures that they would prefer to live by rather than the one they were born under?  Should they be denied that?  I think not.  Especially in this day and age when knowledge is, and should be, easily accessible.  Creating a new culture is ok.  Changing cultures is ok.  Depriving one of the choice of living under another culture, that’s no different than depriving one of the choice of living under another religion (which is arguably an extension of a culture in some contexts).

Back to the current political/cultural climate in America.  It is considered the norm now to shame people out of following a culture, or a religion, or even a political view.  White nationalism is shamed because it is believed that, at best, it should be as general as nationalism.  Yet no such argument is made for blacks, who have the privilege of a Black History Month, Black History classes at universities, and television channels dedicated specifically to blacks such as BET (Black Entertainment Television).  Despite what arguments anyone would make to justify this, it is nothing short of hypocritical to promote that yet not promote white nationalism.

So at this point, I should acknowledge my position now before continuing.  Despite what I was taught, I no longer view white nationalism as a bad thing.  I am very pro-white-nationalist.  Not as extreme as neo-nazis, who more-or-less seek the elimination of all other nationalities (probably why they are weak to the point of irrelevancy, despite what others may say, and despite how many film about killing nazi antagonists continue to be released).  No.  It’s about taking pride in being a white person, and in the accomplishments of white people.  Because when you look back on history, it’s primarily white people who have made the most of the significant technological and societal advancements.  For starters, white people created the U.S. Constitution, proclaiming the very ideals of liberty and justice for all (even if they fell short of living perfectly by those ideals, as we all still struggle to this very day; but they are ideals to live by).  For another, we’ve invented a lot of great stuff that have helped the human civilization progress scientifically.

That’s not to say other races, including blacks, don’t have their own significant technological/societal advancements either.  Blacks have masonry, plus the significant cultural impact of rap, hip-hop, and their own unique English dialect that was prevalent through the 70s and 90s.  Asians certainly tend to be up there on the electronic frontier.    But whites are responsible overwhelmingly for much of the advancements in human civilization.  There’s also scientific studies into the average IQ among races to give further backing, and an explanation, into this pattern.  One also has to wonder why Africa, and portions of the Middle East, haven’t made hardly any societal advancements for centuries (if I’m wrong about this, feel free to provide evidence).

bq-5c66a615839cb

That aside, it’s also natural for those of the same race to want to mingle with one another and socialize together.  Many don’t prefer spending the majority of their time around others who aren’t like them, whether this refers to physical preferences, or even personalities.

This is one of the many reasons why I’m done taking a lax position when it comes to the promotion of white guilt and affirmative action.  It’s literally killing not just the nation of America, but nations in Europe.  White people are becoming a minority in the nations they founded.  In 20-30 years, it is white people who will become the minority.  And if the current social trends continue, if the current anti-white, anti-American propaganda remains (as it has remained since the Vietnam War), then whites will be on the verge of being eradicated.  This won’t just be a tragic turn of events for the white race, it will be a tragic turn of events for the human race.  Everything whites have done will be told in the history books as either evil, or as stolen from the other righteous races.  All that we have done, and all that we could have done, will turn to ash.

There is a reason for this whole thing.  It’s primarily for globalism.  Because the chaotic Middle-Eastern and African countries tend to be united on nothing, and are more easily controlled.  The elites know this.  They know those countries are easier to control because the people composing of the primary populace are that way because of their lower average IQ, because of their inability to unite under one large government; that is, their inability to do so under a government that offers liberty and justice.  This whole process isn’t happening naturally (as if that isn’t apparent already, with globalist policies becoming more and more apparent in both Europe and America; yet we don’t see much of that in China or Japan or Israel).  It’s by design.  And I refuse to become a clog in that wheel.  So, for now, I identify as a white nationalist.  And I hope for a future where nationalism is globally accepted, and where nationalities can exist alongside each other, while letting the others be as they are and retain their culture and identity.  Let white people be white people.  Let black people be black people.  Let asians be asians.  Let those who want an interracial society have one, so long as the other societies remain too.

Which brings me to Slaughterfilm.  They’ve made some brief statements about Trump and minorities in the past, which I more or less let slide.  But with the knowledge of the way of the world and some of its history that I now have, and knowing how damaging the effects of white guilt and forced diversity and feminism and #blackpower can cause, I can no longer sit idly by and just take those statements without challenging them (and hoping we can start a debate where one side attempts to sway the mind of the other).  If I’m wrong, I want to know about it.  If they’re wrong, they should expect the same.

1:26:14 is when this stuff begins that started to get to me.  Up until that point, I was willing to be lax about everything.  But then that semi-rant happened about black victimization, and that was it for me.  I knew I was going to be making comments that could very well push me to the point of no return.  Push them to the point that the bridge between us would burn.  Then so be it.

Quote from the rant portion:

“This film [Tales From The Hood] tackled very hard to tackle concepts like police brutality, abuse, violence, racism, slavery, and it’s so so so before its time.

[…]

It’s before its time in a way because a lot of the horrible shit that happens in this movie […] it’s in the news everyday.  It’s everything that’s been happening in the news, especially the police brutality and the racism.”

“But I like that it doesn’t just stop there.  […]  Obviously being poor sucks, and being poor while also being black double sucks while being in this country.  There’s so many factors working against you in those situations.  Obviously, racist-ass cops, racist-ass politicians.  Just general racist-ass shit.  But it doesn’t let gang-bangers off the hook either.”

“But not only is it very culturally aware, but it’s very relevant today.  I can see why Jordan Peele took influence from it for Get Out, and I’m assuming he did it For Us too.”

 

 

goodbye white pride

 

And now for my response, and the back-and forth that came from this initially:

Oh, so you guys do want to get political. Horror Noire, a film about blacks in horror films over the years, just in time for black history month. Guess that means I can take the gloves off. Let’s see how hard we’ll start swinging. Because I’ve made a review for black history month too. A review where I address the issue of stereotypes, how that is used to shame whites for stereotyping blacks in the past; and then turn the tables around regarding the stereotyping of how whites perceive blacks. And how ultimately stereotypes are a good thing, that should be applied to every race, every sex, every belief, and mock each and every single one of them for a laugh. Admit it, at one point or another, you’ve thought to yourself (if not said out loud) that the human race is stupid, and should be made fun of for its pettiness. This ultimately makes light of things, treats them as a joke to laugh at, and allows us to move along from the stupid things in the hope that we can move to the more intelligent things. As they said in Star Trek TOS, season 1, “Shore Leave”:

“The more complex the mind, the greater the need for simplicity of play.”

My point being, don’t get carried away with the black praise and white guilt complex, especially in this day and age when we should have long moved past all that shit since the early 90s at the latest, if not for the constant promotion of it in schools, universities, and mainstream media (including news, shows, and films). Stereotyping isn’t fun if you’re shamed/forbidden from stereotyping selective races/sexes/groups. Because once that happens, it becomes a weapon. And today, that’s exactly what it is. The only way to blunt it is to breathe some life back into older stereotyping. That especially involves making fun of Spike Lee, the hypocrite who is about as much of a racist prick as those he bashes in his films.

My other point being, take a gander at my film review for black history month:
https://theanomaloushost.org/2019/02/20/mystery-for-now-review-for-black-history-month-because-theres-no-white-history-month/

1:27:00
Oh Jesus. “It’s in the news everyday.” Really? Well then consider changing the channel, because plenty of police brutality and crimes committed against whites happen everyday too. Statistically, police brutality is more likely to happen against whites. Statistically, black-on-white crime is more likely to happen than white-on-black crime. There’s also the prevalence of making it seem like white-on-black crime is happening more than it really is due to a spike in racism and a certain derangement syndrome (just ask Jussie Smollet).

Guess it’s gone further than taking the gloves off. Now the swinging begins. Hit me back with your best shot. I guarantee I can take it. Don’t back down now, not if you’re going to be bringing up these topics in this podcast.
And one last thing, Godzilla would kick Cthulhu’s ass all the way back to the hentai tentacle dimension. Because Cthulhu’s main threat is all about intimidation and driving people into madness. You can’t intimidate Godzilla motherfucker.

Cory’s response (after reformatting the comments section, initially deleting my comments, which I reposted):

So I guess we should issue an apology. YES, horror and sci-fi regularly touch on political and social issues – so these topics will get brought up, HOWEVER Slaughter Film is about reviewing movies first. It isn’t about full blown discussions on these topics. So, I’m sorry that you got butthurt. I understand that it must be a struggle to be a white man, and bringing it up triggered you hard. You are persecuted. I am sorry.

After centuries of brutal beatings, forced labor, rape, and torture followed by emancipation that triggered anger and bitterness that grew hate, terrorism and murder. Then eventually segregation and racism – the effects of which are still seen today. Who are these lipstick lesbo liberals, and those SWJs to think that minorities had it tough? What assholes?!

But, GOD DAMN, that doesn’t hold a candle to being a white man in 2019. People look at us and think; “Boy, that white guy probably hates me”. WOW! I don’t know if I can take it.

Perhaps some undeserved guilt could be humbling? Though it may not apply to you and I directly, it could be a reminder that you’ll NEVER have it as bad, or BE as bad as those who have come before us… …nah, what was I thinking? That’s just craziness.

I should have also realized what would have resulted for having a Black History episode. It’s almost like I got confused and thought that Slaughter Film is OUR show or something, maybe we should learn from Disney and transform the podcast completely with some agenda, because after all, that seems to be what people REALLY want in their fun dick joke filled escapism. MORE POLITICS, am I right?.

Or maybe we should rule out ANY politics all together. Maybe we should censor ourselves. Self-censorship is always best. Maybe we should start by censoring the comments.

Well, I guess I’ve said enough. Time to go be good looking somewhere else… -Cory

My response (which I carried over to Podcast episode #349; and it got deleted), which I knew was going to push me to the point of no return (the gloves were already off):

I thought Black Sunday was pretty good, and quite violent for the time period with that opening segment.

Nice idea for the Purge concept. Maybe some Japanese anime can take advantage of it (they did it right with Battle Royale after all), with a bit of hentai thrown in.

Response to Cory from Podcast #347:
“So I guess we should issue an apology.”

I don’t want apologies, and I don’t want any of you to apologize. I want at least one of you to man up and defend your statements that I disagree with, especially if your beliefs in them are legit, and want everyone who listens to share in them. I want you to consider that the positions brought up at the 1:27:00 timeframe of Podcast #347 are likely wrong at worst, naively misguided at best; or at the very least respond to the points I made against that position directly. Because statements like that in this day and age are ripe grounds for debate. If you or anyone else doesn’t want to debate/discuss those topics brought up (inspired by the films you reviewed), then that’s fine by me. I can rip you a new one solo for my audience.
“I understand that it must be a struggle to be a white man, and bringing it up triggered you hard. You are persecuted.”

You get that line of dialogue from your MSM fortune cookie? Seems like you’re as triggered from my response as you allege I am by the statements given in the review. Though if you did actually watch the video I linked to, you wouldn’t be throwing around that “white man persecution” statement so lightheartedly.
After centuries of brutal beatings, forced labor, rape, and torture followed by emancipation that triggered anger and bitterness that grew hate, terrorism and murder. Then eventually segregation and racism – the effects of which are still seen today. Who are these lipstick lesbo liberals, and those SWJs to think that minorities had it tough? What assholes?!

But, GOD DAMN, that doesn’t hold a candle to being a white man in 2019. People look at us and think; “Boy, that white guy probably hates me”. WOW! I don’t know if I can take it.

But GOD DAMN, that victimhood mentality you people share for the “minorities,” am I right? How terrible the past must’ve been for them. How terrible that must make the present for them. Using the past as an excuse to shame those in the present who had nothing to do with those events. ‘Cause we can’t hope for fair treatment for everyone in the present, regardless of race, without bringing up the distant past as an excuse to do otherwise. Especially in light of numerous fate hoax crimes that are built upon the “white guilt” complex. How noble that must make them feel. But nevermind the white people who suffered with them, for the cause. Like in Mississippi Burning, let alone the Civil War. Nevermind the growing calls for reparations, the ultimate weapon of the victimization culture.

it could be a reminder that you’ll NEVER have it as bad, or BE as bad as those who have come before us

I should hope not. But sarcastic attitudes like that in spite of growing evidence supporting the idea that something like that could very well happen either in the later years of our lifetime, or within the next 3-4 decades, does tend to make me think you might just be ignorant enough to be crazy. Or you just don’t want to take something like this as seriously as it deserves. Consider looking into graphs that show how white people will become a minority in America by that time. Consider looking into how universities and various corporations are biased towards white men, and the hiring of white men. Because the merit system is less important for progress than diversity quotas. And since you want to broaden the discussion that far, I’ve got a video reference for that too, on The Cult of Oppression:

I should have also realized what would have resulted for having a Black History episode.

It’s not as a result of having that kind of episode. It’s as a result of that 5 minute pro-victim-culture speech during it.
It’s almost like I got confused and thought that Slaughter Film is OUR show or something

And I’m a part of the audience of your show, for now. A show where you encourage comments to be left, however disturbing they may be.
maybe we should learn from Disney and transform the podcast completely with some agenda, because after all, that seems to be what people REALLY want in their fun dick joke filled escapism. MORE POLITICS, am I right?.

Keep this up and that’s exactly what it will be. Disney certainly didn’t seem to give a fuck about the fan’s criticism of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, and they won’t give a fuck about fan criticism of Captain Marvel either. Considering that Podcast #347 was your most politically driven episode to date, and considering how you’re not taking the criticism seriously, you do seem to be on the path towards losing the dick jokes.
Or maybe we should rule out ANY politics all together.

You will find that to be impossible. Politics has been ingrained in film since the 1910s. And many films today tend to be heavy-handed with their political messages. Hell, just having a podcast episode dedicated to Black History Month by its very title is political. It’s not a matter of avoiding politics, it’s a matter of how deep you want to swim in it. Ankle deep? Knee deep (in the dead)? Waist deep? Or as submerged as that guy in Get Out when he was hypnotized?

Maybe we should start by censoring the comments.

I was prepared for that the moment I made that those previous comments on Podcast #347, especially after it was initially deleted (saved a copy of it, just as I’ll save a copy of this, and a copy of your response). You can censor the comments. You can ignore the comments. You can ignore those who make the comments. But those who listen to your show and actually give a damn won’t ignore you. There are alternatives for having one’s opinion be known about an episode of the podcast. Whether it’s via Gab’s new Internet invention called Dissent, which will allow anyone to leave a comment on your page for everyone who uses Dissent to see, or via making their own video via YouTube, or BitChute (in case YouTube opts to take it down), or discussing the subject on another website. We both have our options.

If you don’t want to address criticism towards a statement made on your podcast, fine.

If you want to do away with comments, and stop suggesting people leave them at the end of each episode, that’s fine too. In fact, that is likely inevitable, if I am enough to set you off. There are others out there who are far less reasonable than me. You may eventually start attracting them.

If you decide to delete comments, my comments in particular, well… As they say, all good things must come to an end. And if it is to end, well, then I’ll be happy with the good memories I’ve had of the show, and of the messages I left early on that are more or less immortalized by you reading them from as early as Podcast #14: Terror Firmer & Vacancy, which you read out loud in Podcast #15. Back when I was known as Gex. How ironic it is then that you threaten censoring comments, making that threat directed towards me, when my very first comment on your site was:

“Freedom of speech, fuck yeah! The only thing that would’ve made that rant better is if you were playing the Team America theme song playing in the background.”

Even then things were political. We just agreed on more back then.

Let the games begin.
PS: On that note, whether things go badly between us or not, here’s hoping you still enjoy that board game I sent you long ago, Last Night On Earth. Here’s hoping you still enjoy those Sega Genesis and Nintendo games I sent you a while back. I’ll enjoy some of the more entertaining episodes you had in the past. However things go, we’ve left each other something.

bq-5bf9ecbca2965

Cory’s response (after deleting the previous response):

@AnomalousHost I appreciate that you are passionate about certain topics. Slaughter Film IS NOT the place for you to share your diatribes. You have a voice. Share it elsewhere. I’m not going to read, or argue with you. If we met in person, you would know where I’m coming from, and you would understand how LITTLE any of that matters to me personally. But, more importantly, it doesn’t belong here. I, and my co-hosts, can say any damn thing we want and we don’t have to explain or apologize any of it. Slaughter Film is OURS FIRST. Thank you for listening. Best wishes. -Cory

 

My final response:

@Cory
I understand. Was just hoping you (or one on your team) would defend the diatribes you yourselves make on occasion. Because I can’t in good conscience continue to listen to yours if you won’t take into account alternative viewpoints to such. Especially when I know how damaging it is, just as you suspect how damaging mine is.

This is goodbye then. Thanks for reading.
さようなら

We are heading for tomorrow, but we don’t know if we’re near.
Will we beg or steal or borrow?
Will we ever lose the fear?!

Time has passed in the modern world
Where the madmen live and speak their word.
Life in hand they deal with god
Put a trademark sign up on everyone.

God bless the children, freedom is their word.
Freedom, freedom; ’til they learn to obey.
Don’t fear the liars, reason is their name.
Reason, reason; play a silly game.
Where will the children go, tomorrow?
Gamma Ray

 

 

PS: Even the writers of Star Trek knew they couldn’t keep the Borg as an interesting threat without changing them (for the worse) in later episodes and films.  Even the writers think that a society that assimilates/destroys cultures gets fucking boring after a short while!  Because societies like that are fucking dull!

Ferguson: A Report From Occupied Territory (2015) review

Rated: 2.5 / 5

This review appears to be shadow-banned on letterboxd, so I’m porting it over here.  Originally reviewed October 4, 2016.

 

“For example one teacher said that she felt that Darren Wilson wasn’t wrong, that she felt that he should’ve shot him.”
“And that’s what she said?”
“Yeah.”
“Verbatim?”
“Yeah.”
“What was the first thing y’all said in regards to how she felt?”
“My exact words were, ‘Man did you hear what she just said? She must be crazy.’ Those were my exact words. Like, when she said it, I couldn’t believe it like, i- it all saw makin’ me feel like, makin’ me wanna stay more distant from those teachers. Like, we can’t really relate so, how can you sit there and talk to me, like, I don’t understand.”

“If they catch us, we don’t know what could happen. We could be the next Mike Brown, for real. They wonder why we just take off running. It’s not that we doin’ anything bad, we scared to be around them. If they see young black kids, trouble, that’s what they think right off the bat, trouble.”

“Black folk are seen and thought to be innately criminal. Innately terrifying. More powerful, more strong, beastly. Which is why you can have a recording of Darren Wilson referencing Mike Brown as something other than human, as an ‘it’. And if that perception is guiding our engagements with folk, the biggest problem is not about the use of weapons alone, as in physical weapons, but as in the ideological weapons we need to rage war against.”

So I went in this documentary expecting to get pissed off. At the bias. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned about the Black Lives Matter movement over the past several months, it’s that the cases of police brutality they base the foundations of their cause on are horseshit. Case in point, Michael Brown. It doesn’t take long to debunk the whole, “He was an angel who did no wrong to the officer or to anybody,” theory. A video here, a video there, and you realize that the officer was in fact within his legal and logical rights to shoot that guy. But no matter. Once it made headlines by the biased sack of shit news media that chose to spin the story in the most racially-motivated way possible (as they continue to do to this day), the riots began.

Justice for Brown. Hands up, don’t shoot (a situation that didn’t happen at all, so even that is built upon a lie). So let’s also loot and burn down some buildings while we’re at it. The court house? The police station? No, that’s too dangerous, let’s take out the easy targets.

The riots were bullshit, and anyone who loots stores that had nothing to do with the events are sacks of shit, I don’t care if they’re crackers or niggers.

And of course the documentary didn’t cover any of that. Because the poor suffering black community has to be held in a shining light. It’s bullshit manipulation.

That being said, the documentary did go into a direction of understanding that I wasn’t expecting. Because the black community in Ferguson was (is) poor, the black community in Ferguson was (is) suffering. But it’s not because police are discriminately killing black people left and right because their racist emotions got the better of them. Oh no, it’s more logical than that, though no less anger-inducing. The city of Ferguson (and a portion of the city of St. Louis from what I understand) initially had a housing plan that developed in the 60s. Long story short, it fell through, and the city began doing horribly financially. And what’s the best way to generate income for the city if there is a sector of Missouri that isn’t offering a source of income due to failed businesses and minimum wage housing where the black community lives paycheck to paycheck (how and why the housing plan initially failed is left out of the documentary)? By ticketing the shit out of them. Get police to patrol areas and target low-wage earners for citations and ticketing, at which point they will go to court, where they can’t afford a lawyer, and they will most likely plead guilty to it, and they will be stuck having to pay off the fine, which is anything but cheap for them. Add onto that fact that there are more tickets that citizens living in the city, and you’ve got yourself a very bad state of affairs. But it got the city the money income it was looking for to keep itself going. And to make sure the process got more effective, they would hire more and more police officers.

“You need so many police officers that you start getting to a point where the quality of those police officers I think is being compromised, to say the least.”

This explains perfectly why there is such disdain between the black community and the police force. So why isn’t this in the news more often? Because it targets the higher ups? Top officials? Well if there’s any good that came out of this, it’s that ever since the riots and protests, despite how misdirected they were, something happened as a result of this.

“On March 4 [2015], the U.S. Department of Justice issued a scathing report of the Ferguson Police Department. It confirmed that officers violated constitutional rights by disproportionately targeting African-Americans and exploiting them as sources of revenue.”

As a result, the mayor and the police chief and a few others stepped down from their positions. Now one can only hope that progress will be made. But to be honest, I’m not entirely sure how. What is an honest and legal alternative mean for the city to generate income and not go bankrupt? Is progress being made towards such a goal? I don’t know. I’m not an expert on the subject, and I just don’t know. What I do know is that, if there’s to be protesting, it would go a lot better if they picked their spots and methods for protesting more logically. Such as in front of the court house where they are given their fines to pay, or in front of the police station where the cops are at who hand out these tickets, or at the mayor’s office.

There is an injustice being done in similar towns with similar black communities, but this isn’t a nationwide epidemic as far as racism is concerned. Believe me, if they could pull this off on a white community, or dare I say a mixed community, they would. And they do. Because I’ve lived in and been to such communities. It’s nothing new for the police force to seek out giving tickets to citizens, because that generates their paycheck and is what keeps the courts going and generates revenue for the city. There needs to be a better way than that. This is something to focus on, on a city by city basis. So why can’t something like that be the focus of the media as opposed to this racially/viewership-motivated cherry-picking those fuckers do?

Michael Brown, Black Lives Matter, Hand up Don’t shoot, those are built on lies. The anger built from mistreatment by the police and the city government is not. Can we find some common ground here?

Region-Free Blu-Ray Frustrations

So a couple months ago I purchased a region-free blu-ray player from eBay.  LG Model BPM25 (hacked by the distributor to be region free).  Advertised to play any region blu-ray, any region DVD, on either NTSC or PAL format, on any television screen.  And I paid close to $100 for it.  Because I’m tired of being forced to purchase only American blu-rays when either foreign versions have superior versions, whether due to being:

A. Uncut and uncensored.

B. Superior video/audio quality.

C. Special features.

D. Just being plain fucking available on blu-ray.

I finally decided to shell out for it once I also decided to shell out cash for Rocko’s Modern Life, the complete series.

“But wait.  Why purchase that show internationally?  It’s available in the U.S. isn’t it?”

Yeah, it’s available in the U.S.  It’s available, in censored form!  And I don’t like my fucking films/shows being censored?  What the fuck do those cocksuckers know about what content children would/wouldn’t be ok with?  So to get the uncensored version, I had to go with the German format (region B, PAL).  The opening title song and some of the in-series text is in German, but fuck it.  If that’s what I have to put up with the get the series uncut, then I’m willing to risk becoming a part of the Aryan race.

Well, unfortunately, out of the 2 discs, the first one with the first 2 seasons didn’t seem to work.  2nd disc played just fine.  I chalked it up to the fact that the first disc was loose and bouncing all around the case during shipping, and thus received one dent/scratch too many.  So I was a little pissed, but decided this could be fixed down the line when I got enough money to purchase a 2nd set.  Until then…

…there was a 2nd film I wanted to get, from the UK.  The Good, the Bad, the Weird.  Christ, the history with this fucking movie.  When I first saw this film, I pirated it online.  That ended up being the best decision I made when it came to seeing that film.  Because the version I pirated was the Korean cut, a version that’s basically impossible to find today (even in Korea; seriously, what the fuck!?).  And it had subtitles (not the best quality, as there were some strange typos here and there).  But the whole film was pretty damn enjoyable.  Being naive to the fact that there are versions of foreign films that could be altered in the U.S., I asked for the film for Christmas.  Sure enough, I got it.  A full-fledged and legally purchased blu-ray of The Good, the Bad, the Weird.  As I was watching the film, I began to notice some strange moments.  There were some scenes/moments that appeared to be missing (from what I remembered from the Korean cut), and others that appeared to be new (not being in the original cut I saw).  But once that ending happened, I was fucking pissed.  I lost it.  They cut out several minutes of the ending, removing the epilogue.  And that epilogue was one of the main reasons I enjoyed this movie.

So I opted to get the UK version, since it at least has special features including deleted scenes (which I assumed would include those “missing moments”), and several alternate endings (more than just the original korean version).  But why not just purchase a copy of the Korean cut?  Because that’s fucking impossible, unless you want to shell out hundreds of dollars for it.  Fuck that, no movie is worth that price.  Not unless it’s some 8+ hour film like the original cut of that silent film Greed.  The Korean version has been out of print for a long while now.  And the fucking director of the film is ok with this, because he prefers the International Cut over the original Korean Cut.  Motherfucker, what about the rest of us who prefer the original fucking Korean cut!?  Lucasfilm-loving son of a bitch.  You could at least do what Ridley Scott did for Blade Runner and have an in-print release including both versions of the film.

But anyway, long story short, the UK version is as good as it’s going to get just for at least including the original ending.  But it’s far from satisfactory for those who remember the Korean cut.  The deleted scenes do not include those tidbits from the Korean cut, which means less background on one of the protagonists, and this funny moment from the “weird” guy.  So I did the next best thing and downloaded a streaming version of the Korean Cut, which I now need to set aside the time to fucking subtitle.

Then I was reminded of another film that we purchased a long long while back while we were vacationing in Thailand.  A Thai film epic not that well known in the U.S. titled Suriyothai, aka The Legend of Suriyothai.  We purchased the “extended” 3 hour version while we were over there.  We brought it back.  It didn’t work.  We were oblivious as to the whole “region lock” thing on DVDs at the time.  But I did get it to work on the computer for a time, seeing the whole thing subtitled in English (we at least made sure the film had that much).  Later on, I purchased an American DVD release of the movie.  Presented by Francis Ford Coppola.  And guess fucking what?  They cut out nearly 40 minutes from this thing, and the film suffers from it.  The 3 hour cut flows much more smoothly, and is a much better film for it.  So I was pissed about that.  But I tried it out on the newly acquired region-free blu-ray player, and sure enough, now we could watch the uncut Thai version.  I was happy… at first.  Then I found out there was, for a limited time, a 5 hour version of the film.  Which was long gone.  Then I was pissed again.  Couldn’t find this version anywhere online, and last I checked, some motherfucker on eBay was selling this version for over $1,000.  NO FUCKING MOVIE OR SHOW IS WORTH THAT MUCH FUCKING MONEY!!!  Kiss my ass!  I’ll live without ever seeing that version of the film if I have to pay that fucking much for it!  Funny thing is, it’s not listed on eBay anymore, which makes me conclude that some rich motherfucker out there actually shelled out that much money for that copy.  Jesus Christ, someone make a torrent of that thing so the rest of us poor fucks can witness that art.

Goddamn you people who censor film all to hell!

Next, there’s a Charleton Heston epic that we have on VHS, but we want on Blu-Ray.  No, not Ben-Hur.  And no, not The Ten Commandments.  This one is the lesser-known epic El Cid.  And the best version of this to get is from Germany from what I understand.  3-disc special edition, on blu-ray, with 16 minutes of restored footage (the VHS version we had only restored 10 minutes of lost footage).

So we got a hold of that film, put it in the region-free LG BPM25 blu-ray player.  And the fucking thing wouldn’t read the disc.  It wasn’t an issue of being on the wrong setting, on the wrong region.  Nope.  The fucking thing just wouldn’t read the fucking disc.  Even though it’s update to the latest version (and I didn’t even need to download an update).  I was pissed.  Even more pissed because now I started to think this was the same case with that fucking Rocko’s Modern Life disc.  So now I’m stuck with a $100 blu-ray player that only seems to work half the time.  I wanted to break something.  I wanted to smash that player into a thousand pieces.

But I decided to be more constructive than that.  I searched online for way to “jailbreak” blu-ray players so that they could become region-free.  Because I’ll be damned if I have to shell out even more money for a more reliable player.  Thankfully, there did seem to be a viable option.  The Sony Playstation 3.  Still had that lying around, primarily for watching films either via disc or digitally (USB and such).  And a part of me didn’t want to do this because it’s a royal pain in the ass to do this right, and it takes a while (even though the videos claim it only takes about 20 minutes; fuck them, it takes at least 2 hours).  For those who are interested in doing this, the best video I’ve seen is here:

As for the general process, here’s how it’s done (I might forget a detail or two, so make sure to visit the websites, plus go through the video, to be on the safe side; there is a chance you’ll “brick” your game console if you do something wrong).

1.) First you need to check to make sure your PS3 is compatible for this process.  If it’s a slim model, there’s a chance it won’t be.  First you check the firmware version you have, and make sure it’s version 4.82.  If you’re above that number, you’ll need to find a way to downgrade.  If you’re below the number, just upgrade to that version.

2.) Next check if the data version is 3.46 or less.  In order to check this, first you’ll need to download something called MinVerChck PUP (link to that and the other stuff).  Download that onto a USB stick (which you should have formatted to Fat32; make sure there’s no data you’re willing to lose when you format it that way), make sure it’s in the file format of PS3->UPDATE->’PUP file’, plug it into the PS3 in the right-most USB slot in the front, and do a System Update (not an online update, a local folder update).  After running the PUP file, it will display the data version.  Hopefully the number is low enough.

3.) Next, check the serial number on the back.  The numbers don’t really matter, it’s the right-most 7 digits on the back which will determine if your PS3 model is not only compatible for being jailbroken, but also to determine if it’s a NAND or NOR type.  That’s important for later.

4.) At this point, you will have determined if the PS3 is compatible for jailbreaking.  This and the next step is a bit finicky, and easily the most difficult part of the process.  Once you get past steps 4 and 5, the rest should be a breeze.  So, go to the Internet Browser of your PS3 (recommended to have it connected via Ethernet cable, but WiFi should be ok so long as it’s a good connection; don’t even try wireless if it’s not a good connection, you might “brick” your PS3 if it screws up here).  Make the home-page “blank” (set this in “Tools”, which can be accessed via the ‘triangle’ button), then clear all search history, cookies, cache, etc.  Close the browser, open it again, then go to this website: http://ps3xploit.com/  Navigate to the section top of the screen that says “Flash Dumper”, navigate to the drop-down menu that says “Dump Flash to USB”, then navigate to the next drop-down menu and choose either NAND or NOR, depending on your version.  Once you get to that page, set it as your home page, then close the browser.  Place an empty USB stick into the right-most USB slot (the USB should be Fat32 format), open the browser, then click the “Initialize Exploitation” button.  It will begin to initialize.  There’s a good chance this process will fail, in which case just reload the page and retry it.  If it fails too many times, shut off the PS3, turn it back on, and try the “Initialize Exploitation” again.  If it still fails, try a different USB stick (I told you this would get finicky).  Hopefully it will eventually initialize.  Once it is, then click the “Dump” button below to dump the file onto your USB.  If it doesn’t succeed, repeat the whole process again (Initialize, then dump).  Once  the dump succeeds, shut off the system, remove the USB, connect the USB to your computer, then copy the .hex file that should’ve been created on the USB.  Keep that file safe should you ever need it.

5.) Now you’re going to do a similar process.  Boot the PS3 back up, go to the Internat Browser, clear history, make the home page blank again, then close the browser.  Re-open it, go to that ps3xploit site again, only this time go to the Flash Writer section, which will open up a drop-down menu.  “Write Flash to USB,” choosing either NAND or NOR, depending on your system.  You’ll arrive at a similar-looking page as before.  Set this as your home page, then close the browser.  From there you’ll go through a similar process as before, except you’ll need a file on your USB stick this time around.  See the video for more details.  You’ll do another Initialize Exploitation, and then Patching the Flash Memory.

6.) You’re PS3 is now jailbroken, and now capable of taking in custom firmware.  The ones I ended up using were REBUG and multiMAN.  So first, download the REBUG firmware package onto your USB (site link: https://rebug.me/downloads/).  There are several version to choose from.  I chose the 4.82.2 LITE version.  Put that on your USB, plug the USB into the PS3 (make sure the PS3 has been shut off or restarted prior to installing ANY custom firmware to be safe), and install it.  After that’s done, restart the system.  Then download the multiMAN firmware (http://www.psx-place.com/threads/multiman-v04-82-00-deank-adds-4-82-cfw-support.15615/).  I used version 4.82.00 BASE.  Install it the same you you installed REBUG.  Once installed, restart the system.

7.) At this point, you should have everything needed to make the PS3 region free (ie, be capable of swapping region versions from A to B to C, and DVD regions 1-6, or are there 7?).  Go into multiMAN, then navigate to “Settings”.  There should be a section in there titled “Blu-Ray Movie Disc Region,” with a blue disc symbol next to it.  If it’s not there (and this was the case for me initially), shut the system off, then turn it back on (don’t just restart it, turn the whole thing off).  Once it’s on, navigate back to multiMAN (oh, right, and you’ll probably want to disable that damn music that plays in that software, which you can also do under Settings), go back to “Settings”, then go through it again.  You should eventually be able to see it, like in the video above.

After much stress and cursing, I eventually got through that whole process, and got the PS3 to be capable of being region free.  And as of now, it works, and is able to play the German (region B) version of El Cid.  Now I’m going to see if it will also work with disc 1 of Rocko’s Modern Life, or see that this disc really is FUBAR (fyi, I tried the washing it with soap, then use furniture polish trick; that didn’t work with that piece of shit LG blu-ray player; hopefully it will work with the PS3).

 

PS: Oh, and in case you’re wondering… NO!!!  No I don’t fucking recommend purchasing that piece of shit LG BPM25 region-free blu-ray player.  Fuck that player, that player sucks.

Metropolis (2001)

(I can’t stop loving you.)
I’ve made up my mind, to live in memory of the lonesome times.
(I can’t stop wanting you.)
It’s useless to say. So I’ll just live my life of dreams of yesterday.

— Ray Charles

Rated: 3 / 5

This film has an interesting way with music, and it works. It may not be traditional to play a Ray Charles song the moment when everything is blowing up as is bound to happen in an anime, but it pulls it off. It’s just too bad I didn’t feel the anime was strong enough to match up with the lyrics.

 

It starts out with red lines making intersections among a black screen. A target? Paths crossing? Or just a simple opening credits stylistic choice? Who know? More importantly, it starts black and white, and grainy, before emerging as a bountiful amount of yellow/gold lights, brightening up the dark. The film stays this well lit up until the coup, where the snow starts to fall and the colors become more and more muted, until near the end, encapsulating the film’s arc. As any film art 101 student would know, this indicates that life is good, then it’s not, but then it will get good again. But I find such a conclusion questionable for this film.

The main reason I went and watched Fritz Lang’s Metropolis was to prep myself for this version of it. This movie is not a shot for shot remake in the slightest. In fact, ziggurat and futuristic utopia with underground workers and some Christian metaphors aside, these are very different films. Sure there’s a robot girl created for different purposes among the 2 parties involved, but she behaves differently than in the 1920s Metropolis. The Supreme Being, as she’s called, is the 2 girls made one from the older film, both the demented robotic version, and the good version. She starts out good and innocent, and angelic as bluntly shown at one point, mainly due to her ignorance and lack of knowledge, and hair growing solar powers. But as she goes on and gains more and more knowledge about herself and those around her, she eventually transforms, quite suddenly actually, when some internal part of her (the heart part I believe) activates. Then she becomes an enemy to all of mankind, including Astro Boy.

The theme from the first film is that the mind and the hands need the heart as a mediator. Well, that’s not the theme from this film, though it does put some emphasis on the heart. If I understand correctly, when the heart activates, what’s really going on is that it’s shutting down. She no longer has a heart or emotions, just as her creator eventually desired. The repercussions are disastrous, because a Supreme Being without a heart will reign down destruction. One could say that she learned to be this way because of the violence she’s seen, but really, when you think about it, it just ends up being due to programming, which takes away from the film.

In fact, the finale is when things start to fall apart. Of course they designed the ziggurat to become an uncontrollable time bomb when a robot they had designed for it decides to take control. Of course there aren’t any backup security measures. Of course the tower would start to do things unexpected by the very people who built it. All this wiring and circuitry shit just comes out of the blue because, fuck it, anime’s need a big bombastic over the top finale. Things just happen manically because the script says so from that point, not to mention our two protagonists are the only ones to somehow survive the destruction of the ziggurat.

So, yeah, I found things that I disliked this time around, after haven’t having seen this movie for many years.

Like more films of today, the question and theme is on artificial intelligence. Can a machine think for itself? Can a machine love? Are machines better than humans? You know, all that bullshit, a theme that I’m not a big fan of. It’s not as universal as the themes found in the Fritz Lang original.

All that aside, the animations are largely fantastic, even if some of the CGI meshing doesn’t, you know, mesh all that well or look all that good compared to the 2D style. Many of the camera views aren’t close ups, they are pulled back to give a large view of areas of the city, allowing for a massive amount of detail to be captured in many frames. Close-ups are used sparingly, and largely saved for brief moments. Another difference between this film and the old silent picture is that there are less details shown about how this society functions, technology-wise. I mean, there are the robots, and the robot firemen, robot firehoses, robot garbage collectors, robot detectives, robot everything. As one character states, the machines will replace man and take all their jobs one day (which is a guarantee if the political cocksuckers keep attempting to raise minimum wage to the point where having and maintaining machines is cheaper than having human workers; sorry, tangent).

There are sectors of people who are for machines and their rights, and those who don’t believe machines have any, so they resort to violence against the machines, destroying them (some in the coup, others for security reasons). The film makes sure we are supposed to feel sad when machines are killed off. Killing off a machine that places some animal symbol in a spotlight. Killing off another that is up on some advertisement mannequin. And guess what? No explanation is given as to why those dumbass machines were there in the first place, which makes the film feel manipulative as hell. “Oh the poor machines, why do they have to kill them? Boohoohoo!” You know what, fuck the machines. There are only 3 to care about in the entire movie, who’s reasons for acting in such a way as to be killed off make sense and the context is understandable and more clear. The rest of them can burn in robot hell for all I care.

What makes me sad is that now I can’t enjoy this movie as much as I used to. And there’s plenty to admire about this film. Great animation, decent plot, interesting music, good characters. The first 3/4ths of the film are solid enough before the “the less fucks we give for the sake of the action, the better” finale, except for a few things:

* The mad doctor who created Supreme Being Tima. Not much motivation as to why he’s wants to run away with her, or what his real intentions of creating her are if not for Duke Red. There’s a brief moment when we first see him that gives a potential reason that links back to the original film. He’s glancing at an old picture of Duke Red’s daughter. But that’s all we get. You know, considering that this is a Japanese film, and that the Japanese aren’t know for being subtle when it comes to film, you would think they’d clear that up somehow. But they don’t, so I’m just assuming this is a nod to the mad doctor character from the silent film, and settling for a character with less dimensions to him.

* Some robots that die to make the viewer feel sympathetic about it, when the average viewer probably wouldn’t give a flying monkey shit about them.


So, what could’ve been done better then? Well, the above two points could’ve been easily resolved with more footage and an expansion upon the subjects. But the finale, well, why not link things back to what happened midway through the film? Duke Red creating the ziggurat with the intention not to make the city/nation more grand and beautiful, but also as a way to gain power and threaten the world with the power of the ziggurat, which can shoot lazers at the sun and cause the sun’s radiation (the sun’s rays) to hit the Earth and mess up the robots (not to mention the citizens themselves if the radiation was bad enough). Is it so difficult to have crazy blonde Tima just hijack control of the lazer and threaten to use it to destroy humanity or something? Or just control all the robots in the city and eventually the world (it does that already, but they need more More MORE!)? Build upon what you’ve laid the groundwork for movie! You can’t just pull shit out of the blue for the hell of it. We’ve already got Takashi Miike for that.

The main characters, Kenichi and Tima, their relationship with one another isn’t all that well developed, so when the turning point of the story happens, the emotional impact isn’t as great as is needed (not to mention that Tima’s turn happens a bit too drastically with no hint that it would happen in that way).

This film has some heart to it, but not enough. I rewatched this with the intention of enjoying it again, but I can’t enjoy it like I used to. Unless there’s something I’m missing, or some other way of looking at the film that I haven’t comprehended. Still, all in all, it is a beautiful looking film. The CGI may not mesh perfectly, but it’s the next best thing compared to Memories. Three stars is the best I can give it, and 1/2 of those stars is due to sympathy.

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Homegrown: The Counter-Terror Dilemma (2016)

Homegrown: The Counter-Terror Dilemma : Extra Large Movie Poster Image - IMP Awards

Rated: 4 / 5

I expected this documentary to be more of a one-sided “make peace, not war” film which showed how muslims are becoming unjustly discriminated against and imprisoned for being potential jihadists, but are really just nice people.

Homegrown: The Counter-Terror Dilemma - Watch the HBO Original Documentary | HBO

To my surprise, that’s not what this is.

 

This takes a hard look at both sides. The film mainly focuses on one incident where this guy gets arrested and charged and sentenced for 4 counts of conspiracy, an American born and raised muslim. It focuses on the family members, mainly the sister and occasionally the mother, who are saddened by this and say that there is no way he would ever do such a thing, etc. I expected the film to mostly compose of that, until it showed the other side, one of the officials discussing how he and others were tracking this guy, what led them to eventually arrest and charge him, why they did so, their history with cases like this, and so on. It becomes a very muddled grey area, where you can’t be sure if this guy was as innocent as his family claims, or not.

Homegrown: The Counter-Terror Dilemma - Watch the HBO Original Documentary | HBO

But the film doesn’t just focus on that small scale. Throughout the runtime, it goes bigger, talking about how people become jihadists, how they become terrorists, incidents involving terror attacks (mainly the Boston marathon bombing and the Fort Hood attack), the culture and atmosphere of the environments such events lead to, etc. It even mentions the English speaking magazines written by whosoever that talk about how one can become a terrorist, make bombs, how to attack, etc. How a bad economy makes opportunities more rife for citizens to become terrorists.

HBO Canada – Bell Media

But most importantly of all, the film even offers a solution to the problem (not some solution that’s going to guarantee jihadist attacks never happen again, there’s no such thing as a 100% guaranteed solution, terror attacks have always happened since the beginning of civilization). That teachers and families must not be afraid to confront and discuss this issue with their children. Because one way or another, children will get curious enough to go online and look this stuff up and come to their own conclusions. Better to discuss it early on, at the right age, when they can be educated on why it’s bad and so on. Because one of the reasons some people go on to become terrorists, bad economy aside, is because it’s a subject considered too taboo for school and families. That’s bullshit, and that’s the wrong stance to take. It should be discussed, it should be talked about, there should be discussions about it.

The finale of the film couldn’t have been done any better. It all comes to a head when the CIA official, who talked about the why and how of arresting that potential terrorist guy, gets in the same room as that guy’s family, his sister and mother. They talk about the whole incident. Was it wrong? What should they have done? If they could go back would they change anything? Role reversal? Etc. It’s a fantastic thought provoking sequence that has no clear easy answers to it. It’s worth sitting through the entire film just to get to that moment it’s been building up to.

Homegrown: The Counter-Terror Dilemma (2016) - Backdrops — The Movie Database (TMDb)

That being said, they could’ve trimmed a couple minutes off the runtime during some portions. But as is, it’s actually a fairly good documentary. It’s not as one-sided as you might think, takes a look at several sides (including the side of a muslim teacher who discusses the importance of the cultural learning and the consequences of not making the hard subjects talking points), and is something that I honestly think should be considered for viewing in modern culture classes.

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Mystery (for now) review for Black History Month (because there’s no white history month)

“There’s a difference between having black skin and black thinking.”

— Spike Lee [1]

Long Introduction

So lately I’ve been told to lighten up.  To not take things so seriously.  Just lighten up, stop looking for metaphorical messages within films that you find insulting, and just enjoy the damn movie.  That’s the message I got from at least one individual in response to my Red Sparrow review.

 

Well, its well acted, well written and directed, good production values and that torture, knife fight scene was incredible. While all of this happened on screen you were pissed off, angry for what?

 

Gex
Well-acted is a bit more on the subjective side in this case, considering the use of Russian accents (or more accurately, the brief moments they weren’t used). In any case, the acting isn’t the main problem. It’s the portrayal.
Well written. In what way? It’s because of how they wrote some of these characters that irritated me in the first place.
Well directed. So well directed that it gets in your face (see strangulation scene). Though I won’t deny the director has talent.
Production values. That alone never makes a movie good. Especially when a large portion of that is spent on actors more for their name than for their talent and being best suited for the role. At best, production values can make a movie look good, not be good. The other factors determine if those good looks are put to good use.
The torture and knife fight. It’s decent. Not near enough to save this film. I’ve seen better.
As I stated in the review, I was pissed and angry about the depiction of both the men and the women, how they were largely charicatures made more to convey a metaphor, and it being a metaphor I despise from films made in this day and age that know fully well what kind of shit message they are peddling. That’s also why I disagree with the writing, enough to not even bothering to consider what leaps in logic this film may have in it, assuming I did get past the charicature issue. But considering that issue is something that negatively affects society today…
Or is it not obvious that this is one of those female empowerment films that empowers women at the expense of men by making the men out to be morally and mentally inferior? If I wanted a film about female empowerment, I’d watch fucking Thelma & Louis, or Basic Instinct, or Mad Max Fury Road, or Aliens, or Blood of Heroes. If I wanted a film about Russian espionage, I’d watch Gorky Park, or The Hunt for Red October, or No Way Out. And if I wanted a film where a lady gets revenge on despicable men who wronged her, I’d watch I Spit on Your Grave (preferably the remake).
Every single one of those films, for one reason or another, is superior to Red Sparrow.

 

Waldo WaldoOh my, all of what you say doesn’t have anything to do with the movie itself. Are you angry when watch movies? Methapors and hidden messages? In this movie?! You’re reading way too much into a simple spy film.

In Thelma and Louise, isn’t Darryl inferior then too? In Aliens, what about the Paul Reiser character? You gotta loosen up a bit. Just a bit.

 

“Oh my, all of what you say doesn’t have anything to do with the movie itself. Are you angry when watch movies? Methapors and hidden messages? In this movie?! You’re reading way too much into a simple spy film.”
If you don’t think metaphor is a part of film in general, then you have a lot to learn. Go back to watching Citizen Kane in film studies 101 or something for examples up the ass. If you want a film without a metaphor, go watch Reefer Madness and let them preach the message directly to you, loud and clear.
Allow me to provide an example from another female empowerment film I can recommend over this: Bound.
In that film, there is garden clippers, used during the first act by mobsters to clip the fingers off a guy they are interrogating for information. During the second act, a different mobster uses garden clippers to threaten his female companion. During the third act, a woman breaks free of the rope that binds her by using those garden clippers. It helps to enhance the viewing experience when one considers what those clipper represent, via metaphor. They represent the brutality of that power in the first act, desire to have and use such power during the second act, and finding that power and using it to fight for freedom in the third act.
A metaphor can be used on anything, whether it’s a person, an object, or a figure of speech. One could make the case that the female couple in Bound is a metaphor for same-sex rights, and their victory over the mob bosses represent victory over the establishment that stands in the way of those rights.
All I’m doing with my review for Red Sparrow is demonstrating how the metaphors are used in that film for similar reasons, but without the decency of adding more to it than that. Both the women protagonists in Bound had enough traits to them, plus background to their character, to make them more relate-able and easy to root for, and even the male antagonists had layers to their own characters. Virtually everyone in Red Sparrow has no such traits, and the closest thing I could find was the main protagonist having a history of temper tantrums (which honestly only seemed relevant two times in the film, and neither occasion made that dialogue reveal necessary simply because, well, plenty of people would react the same way under the circumstance; and that first act of revenge she did demonstrated that she has a temper), and that her uncle isn’t one to be trusted and is implied to have done bad deeds around the family in the past (which attempted to make their dialogue interactions interesting, with that sort of history shared between them, a pessimistic uncertainty). But that’s all we get. There really isn’t anything else with her character, or with any other character (save for that one chick who is revealed to have been in a lesbian relationship, but that was used strictly as a plot device).
The film is hardly subtle about what the metaphors are. But as you said, it’s a simple spy film. Simplistic because it’s dumbed down. It’s all about living a life where your life, and your body, don’t belong to you but to someone else. Then finding a gift within yourself and using that gift to fight back until it becomes your own life, and ultimately becoming superior to those who tried to own you in the past. The body of a female belonging to that of a man, as opposed to willingly sharing it with a man. The gift of feminism being the empowering force to fight back against and defeat toxic masculinity.
In Thelma and Louise, isn’t Darryl inferior then too?
Yes. But in that film, it at least had the decency to have the two female protagonist have faults in their character, faults which led to them making bad decisions that led them into the downward spiral. That film preaches to the choir, but at the same time it’s also very apparent that it’s meant to be all about women in a man’s world. It was designed from the ground up to be a feminist film. Red Sparrow had the gall to act like it would be more, when all that does is indicate wasted potential.
In Aliens, what about the Paul Reiser character?
Now you’re pushing it. He’s not a metaphor for toxic masculinity, or male dominance, or anti-femininity, or anything like that, not as far as I can tell. If it’s not apparent that he represents corporate/government interests at the expense of all else, then you’re not in much of a position to lecture me. Take into account that the film Aliens also has elements of the Vietnam War in it (I’m not making this up, documentaries and commentaries, including by the crew of the film itself, say as much), and you could also say Burke represents corruption leading to needless lives lost from a military and civilian point of view during that war.
Just because a guy plays a bastard who wants to do harm to one or more women in a film doesn’t mean he automatically represents the anti-feminine. It depends on the context, of what else is in the film that surrounds that character and his/her actions. On that note, my conclusions regarding the majority of the male characters in Red Sparrow does fit within the context of that film. Guess I just had to make that more explicitly clear to you so you could get the message.
You gotta loosen up a bit. Just a bit.
I’ll loosen up when I watch a film that isn’t supposed to be taken seriously. Or better yet, when I watch a film that is impossible to take seriously. Like Reefer Madness.

 

 

I’ve seen Citizen Kane and Refeer Madness. So my education so my education in film is done. Decency is a big point with you. I don’t get it. You got too many issues going on while watching a movie. That’s all right. Enjoy them in your way. Everything’s good.

 

Gex
It may be true that I have a few too many issues with films in general, but there’s a reason for that. 2 reasons actually.
1. I’m naturally picky about films, from the little things to the big things. I have no problem with this mainly for the sake of battling consumerism. The less films there are that please me, the less there are that tempt me to buy them. That, and there’s too many films out there in existence that set the bar high enough that I see no reason to lower it.
2. Protection from brainwashing. Particularly from elements like those in this film, among others that promote SJW virtues. I have been a victim of similar stuff in the past, and I’ll be damned if I drop my guard and allow it to happen again. So I aim to spot these little “lessons” that are in films like this, determine how deliberate and volatile they are, and if it’s bad enough, call them out on that bullshit.
The way I can ensure I don’t go over the edge with this is by being open to challenges on my position, and meeting them head-on, and see if my position stands up to scrutiny. That is one way I find out if I’ve been buried under the muck after a period of time, under the spell of one agenda or another. Losing a debate where much of what one was taught most of your life can be quite liberating and enlightening. Pity many on this site won’t allow for that anymore. And why? Because they’ve become the same brainwashed victim I used to be in the past; only difference being they’re not willing to see if their position stands up to scrutiny even while attacking the positions of others.
So now you know the why of my position. If you think I’m exaggerating on the influential powers films can have over people, I can link to a 20 minute youtube video that can show otherwise, but I have a feeling an escapist fellow like yourself isn’t ready for the black pill yet. Hopefully you’ll never need to be. It’s a funny thing though. I recall about a year ago you had no interest in debating the merits of a certain film, that you were on this site to have fun, not to debate. Nice to see you’re making progress. Who knows where you’ll be next year, or the year after. As for me, make no mistake. Having my position challenged and argued over is something I not only find fun, but also find that it tends to enhance the viewing experience of the film being discussed.

 

So yeah, I’ll admit, I’m a real hardass when it comes to these things.  So I agree, there are times when I need to learn to lighten up; though that’s probably a poor choice of words given that it’s currently black history month.  I should be darkening up.  Regardless, I aimed to find a film appropriate for the occasion.  Some film that, at least from the outset, seems like something I can take in a fully lighthearted manner.  Have a little fun.  Not be so judgemental.  Not attack it for its devious subliminal intentions (assuming it has any).  It’s a wish some ask of me.

 

 

Well…

 

 

soul man 1 GIF

 

 

… be careful what you wish for.

 

 

 

Soul Man (1986) review

Rated: 3 / 5

“I’m riding my man Obama.  I think he’s a visionary.  Actually, Barack told me the first date he took Michelle to was Do the Right Thing.  I said, ‘Thank God I made it.  Otherwise you would’ve taken her to Soul Man.'”

— Spike Lee [1]

Now for those of you who aren’t familiar at all with this film, well, it has garnered a reputation for being one of the most offensive movies ever made.  Why?  Because it’s about a student who just got accepted into Harvard, but doesn’t have the financial means to get into Harvard; so in order to get the scholarship funds needed to support himself in Harvard, he changes his skin color from white to black (via tanning skin pills; ’cause apparently that’s a thing), making him the prime candidate for gaining a black scholarship.  Oh yeah, this sounds right up my alley, one without the black muggers to fuck me up and steal my shit.

Is lynching a cabbage patch kid racist?

That’s right, it’s going to be one of those kinds of reviews people.  Brace yourselves.  I’m well past the point of giving a fuck.

Anyway, I went into this film expecting a lighthearted, albeit very non-PC, comedy with plenty of black jokes along the way, plus some intentioned and unintentioned morality race-relations lessons.  And for a while, that’s basically what I got.  The jokes were landing well a good portion of the time.  But there were a couple sequences that went on for too long that just ended up being cringe-inducing.  In particular, the sequence where Mr. Soul Man is playing basketball and failing (too) miserably at it.

There’s also the scene where he tells his girlfriend and parents that he’s white/black that also ended up being cringe.  You know, one of those scenes where the protagonist is on the verge of having his secret uncovered and landing him in serious trouble, and shenanigans happen where he tries to juggle one problem after another, until it all inevitably falls apart.  Those types of sequences drive me nuts simply because they exist just to prolong the inevitable.  All I can think it, “Just get it over with already!  Just let the fucking hammer fall!”  The only film that ever got away with that, mainly because the entire film is all about this, is The Talented Mr. Ripley.

Oh yeah, and Ronald Reagan’s son is in this.

Thankfully, those moments are few and far between.  There’s plenty of great dialogue which, while one would think it would get dated, only becomes more legendary due to events that happened over the last few years.  For example:

“Gordo, it’s going to be great!  These are the 80s man!  It’s the Cosby decade!  America loves black people.”

Although, without a doubt, the most hilarious and anti-PC moment in the entire film has to be the dinner sequence with Leslie Nielsen (yeah, he’s in this, and to my shock, he plays the whole thing straight-faced).

That sequence is easily the pinnacle moment of this film.  It had everything condensed during that minute and a half that I hoped would be in this film.  A play upon stereotypes, taken to the extreme, in the most over-the-top and hilarious (in my personal opinion) way possible.

“[Soul Man is a] cheaply-made cynical viewpoint of black involvement in American life.”

— Benjamin Hooks, then-executive director of the NAACP headquarters in Baltimore [2]

Normally this would be the point where I would set up some barriers for some who would take offense at me enjoying an offensive movie there-bye making me an offensive person who has offensive tastes, and mention how this is a segment that parodies black stereotypes just as much as it parodies white people who view blacks in that stereotypical fashion (thus making this satire and not just exploitative for exploitation’s sake), but what would be the point?  Plus I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t say I would’ve enjoyed the hell out of this film if it was racially offensive just for the sake of being racially offensive.  Because despite what people may say about how, “We all need to get along, and the way we must do that is by not exploiting minorities in any fashion no matter how well or ill-intentioned,” or, “Jokes like thee should never be made because someone will inevitably find them so offensive they’ll get all depressed and either commit suicide or harass/murder someone,” they’re all hypocrites who are completely and utterly full of shit (yes, that means the majority of you negative letterboxd reviewers; go ahead and block me and unfollow me, I’m used to that by now).

“Anyone who disagrees with my outlook on the world calls me a racist, in the hope that they’ll draw attention away from their own beliefs.”

— Spike Lee [1]

While they condemn any form of mockery done at the expense of, oh say, black people (of any gender and sexual preference), they would fully endorse the mockery done at the expense of white people.  Which in this case, I guess one could say the equivalent of this would be that film White Chicks.

And of course many films today usually make a mockery of straight white men, and Christians.  And many condemn the mockery from whichever direction because they proclaim it puts down one gender/race/belief in order to empower another.  And to that I say everyone, every gender, every race, every belief, deserves to get mocked.  Because I think we can all agree that there comes a point in your life when your just minding your own business and then something happens that makes you think, “…  You know what?  The human race is stupid.”  And we are.  No matter what race you belong to, what gender you are (in spite of what you may identify with to clash with reality), what belief you hold, there will always be something about you because of your gender/race/belief that deserves some mocking in one fashion or another.  So I say just sit back, relax, take the blunt of the jokes, and give some back, and enjoy the jokes made at the expense of others.  Sometimes if a joke is done well enough at your own expense, you’ll laugh along with it too.

Even the whole race-relations thing is a joke.  This film makes fun of black people just as much as it does white people.  For example, back to that dinner sequence, one could say it makes a mockery of black people by stereotyping them (let alone having the whole blackface thing).  One could also argue it makes a mockery of white people because it portrays them as individuals who look at black people in that stereotypical manner.  Some stereotypes elevate black people to a higher level than the average is capable of, such as when the mother fantasizes about the blackface guy ravishing her.  Some stereotypes demote black people as those who are heroin-addicts who mistreat their wives/girlfriends while eating watermelon.  And sometimes, dare I say, the stereotypes are accurate.  And every race has a stereotype.  From the black guys with big dicks, to the black girls with the fat asses, to the bitter old white guys who hate everyone non-white, to the white chicks who bitch about everything.  And I say it’s alright to have all of the above portrayed so long as it is done with the awareness that not everyone conforms to those stereotypes.  The danger would be in believing only in those stereotypes.

Back to the film.  So throughout the course of the film, the protagonist has this arc about understanding what it’s like to be black, kind of.  And this arc is accomplished by inserting even more stereotypes, done at the expense of white people.  You have the white stalker cop waiting to bust Soul Man for any little error made while driving.  You have the two white college guys always making black jokes.  You have the guy who owns the apartment building who is racist.  You have the bitter old white guy who hates black people.  And you have the hippy daughter who wants to sleep with anyone non-white so she can experience some of their repression, which should theoretically become liberated during intercourse.

And it’s that moment where I believe the film has a relevant message for all those people around nowadays who think they understand the alleged plight of the black race and wish to help them at the expense of others, and going to extremes to do so.  The message being, they’re friggin’ idiots.

To my surprise though, the film actually had some solid emotionally investing moments.  I wasn’t expecting that in this film.  And these emotional moments revolve around three specific characters.  The protagonist (played by C. Thomas Howell), his potential love interest (played by Rae Dawn Chong), and their teacher (played by James Earl Jones).  James Earl Jones plays his role in the most dead-pan manner, not once cracking a smile at any joke, only smiling when he’s sincere in something he is about to say, which does not happen often.  He’s the kind of instructor all teachers should consider to be a role model.  He doesn’t bullshit, doesn’t tolerate students that bullshit, and never accepts late work, no matter the excuse students may come up with.  Either you work as hard as is necessary to complete your studies, or you’re not good enough.  I loved how his commanding presence humbled Howell’s character at multiple points, not just wiping the smirk off his face, but also dismantling his goofball/asshole attitude.

It’s a similar scenario with Chong’s character, who is there strictly to work hard and learn, having no time to play along with Howell’s shenanigans.  Howell eventually learns, slowly albeit naturally, that he can’t approach his time at Harvard the same way he approached his previous schooling.  By not taking the school work too seriously, and trying to goof off and have fun a good portion of the time.  You know, like the majority of those college comedy flicks from the 70s through the 90s.  Hell, I’d say that attitude is still prevalent in most films of this genre.  Not that I have anything against those types of films per-se, it’s just refreshing to see a film that’s a bit more humbling towards films with that attitude, showcasing that hard work is necessary to succeed.  And the professor and female classmate demonstrate this clearly to Howell’s character.  And so he matures, and becomes a more responsible individual.  It’s a surprisingly solid arc I wasn’t expecting to be pulled off in this manner, especially in a film like this.

“A white man donning blackface is taboo. Conversation over — you can’t win.  […]  But our intentions were pure: We wanted to make a funny movie that had a message about racism.”

— C. Thomas Howell [4]

Where the film does tend to falter, in my opinion, is where many critics tend to primarily bash the film for, though more harsh than necessary because racism.  The whole thing of Howell’s character gaining insight with life from a black man’s perspective.  The segment with the cop tailing him and eventually putting him in prison.  How he brushes off the black jokes done by these two white guys until he starts to find them more and more offensive the more he becomes acquainted with the black lifestyle.  And, of course, the speech near the end where he gets in a serious conversation with the professor.  It becomes too much, and unnecessarily preachy.  Granted, I could tell the film was eventually going to arrive at a point like this, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.  There are a few issues with this.

1.) The film starts to come off as having the attitude of that crazy hippy chick who wants to bang black people because she pities them.  As in the film starts to pity black people with how society treats them.  The typical portrayal of cops similar to how they are portrayed in films like Higher Learning.  The typical attitude that blacks are treated unfairly and are less able to attend college as a result of systematic racism.  I can’t fault the film entirely for this considering this was a mindset that is somehow just as prevalent today as it was back then.  But this is due to a misconception that is easier to swallow than some inconvenient facts to this narrative because society has been conditioned to believe this.  Several studies by those with PhDs, one of the more popular ones being published in a book known as The Bell Curve, indicate that the differences in race are more than just skin-deep.  Muscle mass and bone density aside (let alone average height), there has been shown to be an average IQ difference between the races.  That, on average, blacks have a lower IQ than whites.  Similarly, Asians tend to have a higher IQ than whites.  This is a study that has proved controversial, to say the least, to the point that these scientists who do these studies are shamed, publicly ridiculed, and sometimes have their careers ruined, even though all they had in mind was to report the facts in their studies when it came to their studies on the intelligence factor.  Today, it gets bad enough to the point where Asians are the ones being subjected to racial discrimination by universities, because the Universities give preferential treatment to blacks and latinos.  Not to say blacks weren’t subject to systematic racism in the past either.  And I can’t say in all certainty that this wasn’t a reality back in the mid-80s.  But the contradiction lies within the film itself.  How there is a black professor who is quite intelligent, and a few other black students studying at the same university, enough to match up with the average population statistics in the country.  Making the implications of the racial struggle a bit questionable.

2.) The film already had a strong (albeit overly convenient) plot point on how Howell’s character’s black impersonation to gain a scholarship had actual consequences, by having another black individual lose out on that scholarship opportunity because of him.  That development had enough of an emotional gut-punch to carry the film the rest of the way through to the point where all the other messages regarding discrimination look weak at best, pointless at worst.

3.) The worst of the film’s problems in this regard come near the end, when Howell’s character punches these two white guys who were making black jokes throughout various segments of the film.  For one thing, these two are just another typical white stereotype.  For another, it puts forth the message that it’s not ok to joke about black people.  Even though a good portion of the film (some would say the entire film) was spent doing just that.  And joking about white stereotypes in the process.  It’s not a good attitude to have.  As I said earlier, everyone deserves to be made fun of.  Everyone has stereotypes and flaws that could use some lighthearted mockery at their expense, so that they can learn to toughen up, not take them seriously, and learn to have fun at the expense of others as well.

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“Our little film was maligned by the black community led by a jealous Spike Lee, who has never seen the film.”

“If you watch the movie, it’s really making white people look stupid.”

“It is adorable and it didn’t deserve it.”

“I always tried to be an actor who was doing a part that was a character versus what I call ‘blackting,’ or playing my race, because I knew that I would fail because I was mixed.  […]  I was the black actor for sure, but I didn’t lead with my epidermis, and that offended people like Spike Lee, I think. You’re either militant or you’re not and he decided to just attack.  […]  I’ve never forgiven him for that because it really hurt me.  […]  I didn’t realize [at the time] that not pushing the afro-centric agenda was going to bite me. When you start to do well people start to say you’re an [Uncle] Tom because you’re acceptable.”

“I am somewhat baffled by the big upset about Rachel Dolezal [former NAACP chapter president].  […]  Why is it such a thing now about her wanting to ID black? I say welcome her in — let her dress up in brownface and frizzy hair. It’s a compliment and refreshing. … I am tired of how the white liberal community, which is racist, and the black community, which is also racist, [is] overreacting yet again. We have bigger fish to fry these days like ridding the streets of guns [and] funding for mental health organizations to assist those in need.”

— Rae Dawn Chong [3][4]

And, of course, there’s the inevitable backlash over this film.  Something people still harp on today.  Spike Lee raised hell about it.  The NAACP raised hell about it.  And it has garnered enough of a cultural disdain (despite being a financial success at the box office) to where the film in of itself is considered taboo.  Some say that the film in of itself is racist.  Others will say that, despite the film’s good intentions (or what it believes to be good intentions), its effect on society could only be negative.  I say let’s turn the tables back on those people.  Rather than say the films “good intentions” are misguided, let’s say that those who decry the film as offensive and racist and harmful, are the ones who proclaim to have good intentions, but they wind up being the ones affecting society for the worse.  Rather than stating the film should be given the taboo label, say that it should be taboo to label a film as such when it has no intention of being anything more than just a fun comedy with a bit of heart to it.  At the very least, its heart is in the right place.  And I’m sure those who decry its existence believe their hearts to be in the right place as well.  Because, in all honesty, from what I’ve seen and heard about the incidents surrounding the film, it’s those who decry the film as racist who wind up causing more harm to society than the film itself.  Because they won’t allow more films like this to be made anymore, alongside other films that have no problem portraying whites as stereotypical as possible, portraying straight men and women as stereotypical as possible, in all the negative ways; while at the same time portraying blacks, latinos, and gays in a stereotypical fashion that is as positive as possible.

I say it’s time for society to learn to loosen up.  And hopefully generation Z will lead that charge.  Because if only some people can be made fun of, but not others, then that will lead society down a dangerous path.  So get back into the attitude and groove of the 80s and 90s.  We shouldn’t have any care about who we offend, so long as it is done in earnest jest with no harm intended.  Because when making a joke, it is often (if not always) done at someone else’s expense.  Well, let everyone get a taste of that expense.  For fairness.  And because everyone deserves to have a laugh.

“Soul Man [is a] very positive motion picture that is meant purely to entertain.”

— Bob Rehme [2]

Racist Thats Racist GIF - Racist ThatsRacist GIFs

 

Sources

[1] Mattera, Jason.  Hollywood Hypocrites.  p.104-5.  Retrieved on February 20, 2019 from: https://books.google.com/books?id=ZBZkt71qP8kC&pg=PT116&lpg=PT116&dq=spike+lee+soul+man+obama&source=bl&ots=uUriOrsW0K&sig=foVO3CK8RaZZ7spSZbpL_m9PvBs&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjXtIjts-fPAhUQ_mMKHb_DBsEQ6AEIITAB#v=onepage&q=spike%20lee%20soul%20man%20obama&f=false

[2]  Thomas, Bob.  “Los Angeles NAACP Chapter Calls ‘Soul Man’ Movie Racist.”  The Lewiston (Maine) Daily, Friday, October 31, 1986.  Retrieved on February 20, 2019, from: https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1928&dat=19861030&id=lwUgAAAAIBAJ&sjid=_WQFAAAAIBAJ&pg=1221,6139469

[3] Doty, Mariah.  October 19, 2016. “Rae Dawn Chong Blames Spike Lee for ‘Soul Man’ Racial Stigma 30 Years Later.”  The Wrap.  Retrieved on February 20, 2019, from: https://www.thewrap.com/rae-dawn-chong-spike-lee-soul-man/

[4] Higgins, Bill.  June 25, 2016. “Throwback Thursday: ‘Soul Man’ Star Rae Dawn Chong on Rachel Dolezal: “I Say Welcome Her In.””  The Hollywood Reporter.  Retrieved on February 20, 2019, from: https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/throwback-thursday-soul-man-star-rae-dawn-chong-rachel-dolezal-i-say-welcome-her-804252