Rated: 3/5

So, Hugh Jackman is finally retiring his character and giving it one last run in one final movie. How did the film fare? Well I guess the rating above oughta give you a hint.

First let me briefly mention what my thoughts are with the other X-Men films.

Origins < X1 < X3 < X2 < First Class < The Wolverine (unrated version) < Days of Future Past

I only though Days of Future Past was relatively solid, though the unrated version of The Wolverine wasn’t half bad either. Haven’t seen Apocalypse because, after hearing the reviews and currently suffering from superhero fatigue, I just didn’t give a shit. But Logan got me interested again do to having better reviews than the last one, and a hard R rating. That last aspect got me a bit curious.

And I will admit, it certainly doesn’t shy away from being an R rated film. People’s heads and limbs get decapitated, fuck-bombs fly all over the place. Actually, in my opinion, they say “fuck” way too often. Almost as often as I say “fuck” in my fucking drunk reviews. They were obviously overcompensating for holding Hugh Jackman back in the previous films. Or maybe Hugh Jackman really was drinking on set as much as he was in the movie and he just didn’t give a shit.

In this film, Hugh Jacked-Man is unwillingly given the responsibility of taking this Mexican part-time mute mutant girl to Dakota, and from there to the Canadian border. I’ll leave the subliminal messaging for you to decipher from that plot. She also eventually shows that she can talk, which brings up one of these moments that you’ve seen several times before:

“You can talk? This whole time? Why did you stay quiet?”
“Mucho piqueno burritos viva la raza viva la Mehico super la puerta grande mal mierda pared pato Trump puto.”
“Alright, shut the fuck up!”

And that’s where I end the Mexican jokes for the rest of the review.

Anyway, the little girl can kick loads of ass with how quick she moves around and how she can dispatch enemies. I kinda think they overcompensated for something else by making her that powerful, considering that I think she manages to kill just as many people as Logan does in this movie. And this is old man Logan we’re talking about here, who’s regenerative powers aren’t what they’re used to be, and he’s slowly being poisoned by the very thing that makes him deadly. And the little girl had the same thing happen to her. Guess she’s going to wind up with a shorter lifespan than him. If Logan is supposed to be in his 50s (by physical looks, not counting those centuries of being around), then this girl isn’t going to make it past her 30s.

Oh, right, and Jean Luc Picard is in this, reprising his role of Charles Xavier. Older man Xavier, with Alzheimer’s or dementia or some combination of the two. If he stays off his meds for too long, or if he’s under some duress, he will go into a telekinetic seizure and give people brain freeze or some shit like that.

But in all honesty, it’s quite an interesting and welcomed angle to see the dark side of these mutant powers, a dark side that has nothing to do with, “Be responsible with your powers or there will be consequences,” or “You will be hated because you’re different.” No, it’s refreshing to see something along the lines of Bobby Fisher, who was a master and a freaking genius, but had some personal psychological issues as a result of his gift which led him to ruin in the long run. Stuff like that isn’t used anywhere near as often as they should be in these superhero films. Even Logan’s character, to a different extent, ends up suffering as a result of his powers. A light that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

That being said, by the end of the film, I just felt “meh”. Didn’t think the movie was great or terrible, just somewhere in-between. It’s solid enough, but nowhere near as memorable as a final Hugh Jackman Wolverine film should be, in my opinion. I wasn’t really feeling much of a connection and sense of hope/loss between Logan and the little Mexican daughter/mutant. Other movies have done that angle better than this one. Hell, a Jason Statham movie called Safe did it better than this movie, and it was also rated R and had less swearing and violence than this film. And for all the dark hard R rating I’ve heard this film is cracked up to be, it left something to be desired in regards to the violence. Don’t get me wrong, the violence is definitely there, and you definitely see arms and limbs and heads get sliced off. But unless it’s just the claws being stuck in and out of an individual like a pair of knives, without the slicing, the lighting of those scenes tended to be minimal, and the cuts got faster. I’m assuming it’s some way of bypassing the cocksucking MPAA. They can show people getting ripped up, but it has to be quick cut or shot in a less-lit environment. Otherwise if it’s just one or two stab wounds, feel free to light it up and show it as best as you possibly can. Just reeked up filtered bullshit to me. There will probably be some uncut version that comes out on video which may attempt to rectify this, but most of the time they tend to be half-assed additions.

So to summarize, this film overcompensated for the foul language, slightly undercompensated for the violence, and just has a so-so plot in the middle of it, but sprinkled with a few good character moments between Xavier and Logan to keep this film afloat. Plus there’s this one moment near the end of the film where all these mutant freaks team up on the main lone bad guy, shot in such a way that made it hammy. Seriously, I was trying not to laugh at that point in the middle of the movie theater. If you watch the film, you’ll know that moment when you see it.

That all being said, it is worth seeing. But seeing in theaters, questionable.