Team America, and a rant about the post-election.

Rated: 4/5

“See, there’s three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything! So, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck. And if they didn’t fuck the assholes, you know what you’d get? You’d get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!”

Hooray, Trump won!

Yeah, this is one of those reviews made for this historic time period to intentionally say I am glad Trump won. I’m not glad he won because I think all of his policies will be great (though I do believe some of them could turn out to be good), but I am glad he beat that corrupt-as-fuck hypocrite Hillary Clinton.  But this review is also made because I am fucking sick and tired of seeing people bitch about Trump, before and after the election.  And all these goddamn protests and threats.

For all the women out that who are saying, “We needed a woman president to show how far women have come in this nation,” fuck you. You don’t need a woman president. You need a GOOD woman president. Hillary would’ve been a terrible woman president and would’ve been a terrible representation of women . And for all the men who are saying, “We don’t need a woman running this country,” fuck you too. Trump isn’t much better in the men’s department. If a female candidate is better than the male candidates, I would vote for them, and you thick-headed numbskull ass-hats should fucking do the same. Because it doesn’t matter if the fuckface candidate is a man or a woman, they just need to be better suited for the position than the other candidate.

And people like Van Jones, who say, “This was a white-lash. This was a white-lash against a changing country. It was a white-lash against a black president in part, and that’s the part where the pain comes.” Fuck you. Statements like that not only falsely suggest that Hillary would’ve helped black communities any more than she fucking did in the past, or more than any other presidential candidate like her has, but it implies that Trump would manage it worse with no good reason to back that up. Besides, there are many in the black community who are sick of the bullshit that’s been going on to make their lives suck (Ferguson and such), just as there are those who seem to be just fucking dandy about the whole thing. Just because some of you are Liberal and only have Liberal opinions that you’re entitled to doesn’t mean others aren’t fucking Conservative and have their own fucking Conservative views. And threatening those who have a view different from yours that you don’t fucking like sure as hell isn’t going to heal the divide.

And fuck black lives matter. ALL LIVES MATTER! Black, white, brown, red, whatever fucking color you identify yourself with, you’re a all fucking human being and every one of you fucking matter! Just because some of you had it rough for most of your life doesn’t mean making someone else who’s had it good and making their life rough is going to make things any better. Those who have it good should be helping those who have it bad so they can also have it good. And that can be done without making them fucking suffer for it.

The moment people agree that people like that should go and fuck themselves and become more thoughtful rational-minded people who believe that everyone should be fair and thoughtful to everyone else, and admit that every politician and every corporate asshole are pieces of shit no matter how much you may favor one over the other, that is when the healing of the divide can begin. It can also begin when we can admit that white people also like rap, black people also like mayonnaise, politicians normally don’t keep their word no matter which side of the spectrum they swing, and not every illegal immigrant comes here with bad intentions (some want to actually work and live here and get legalized and eat Mexican food in America rather than in Mexico) anymore than every illegal immigrant comes here with good intentions (some want to do bad things like watching Crash and saying it’s a good movie). It would also help to agree that both Republicans and Democrats are full of shit a lot of the time. Might also help heal the divide if we admit that Star Wars VII wasn’t a good movie.

This whole fucking divide spawned from a desire for entitlements, that some people believe they are owed something, that because some pansy-ass motherfuckers believe that because they find something offensive means that no one should be able to fucking see it as opposed to just dealing with it. I don’t like seeing naked old ladies with their tits drooping down to their wrinkly old vaginas anymore than I like seeing naked old men with their balls drooping down to their feet, but I’m not going to say those images can be banned. Why? Because I’m fucking mature enough to fucking understand that I don’t have to fucking pay attention to it and fucking look the other way to something else. I’m nowhere near the most mature person in the world and I at least know that others should be at least as mature is that. There are things in the world you may not like, but there are other things in the world that most people, if not everyone, doesn’t like.

This national divide didn’t start with Trump and Hillary, it existed (and grew) before either of them made a bid for presidency. This national healing everyone wants doesn’t start by lying to yourselves about how things really are and by believing you should be intolerant to anything that offends you. It begins when you grow the fuck up, know that there are some things in life you have to put up with that you can easily live with, and move the fuck on. I’m not sure when this politically correct attitude of millennials became to big that they felt they don’t have to grow up, but I do know that’s one of the root causes of this divide.

Case in point, if someone posted a negative review for a movie like Scream, a movie that most people like, but someone didn’t like the negative review of it and thought it should be taken down or edited just because they find it offensive and doesn’t conform to their views for no good reason, how should people respond to someone like that? I’ll tell you how they should respond, they should tell them to kiss their ass, and fuck off, and go crawl back into whatever gutter they came from, because reviewers are entitled to their fucking opinions and people are allowed to fucking enjoy them if they agree with them! Go off and make your own goddamn review that other people will like so you can satisfy your own confirmation bias. You don’t get the right to censor something just because you don’t fucking like it.

If there’s a misunderstanding somewhere when it comes to what someone thinks, in that they don’t have their facts straight, be a decent fucking person and try to show them the facts as clearly as you can. The truth can hurt, but lies are going to hurt a hell of a lot more if they’re left to fester. So do yourselves and humanity a favor, don’t lie to yourself about how things really are, and how things really were.

And for those of you who believe Trump will be a worse president than Hillary no matter what regardless of all that’s been said about her and him, do what we’ve done for all other presidents who’ve been elected in the past that we didn’t like. Give him a fucking chance. If he fucks up and is as bad as you think he is, it shouldn’t be that difficult to impeach the cocksucker. It would certainly be easier to do that than to impeach that cunt Hillary if she fucked up. And I honestly don’t know how it is that many of you have been so convinced, have been so certain, that Trump really is THAT much worse than Hillary. I don’t even know how you can say he’s going to be the worst president we’ve ever had compared to everyone else in the past century. I really don’t.

Yeah, I’ve been keeping a lot of that pent up inside me for a while now.

“Maybe feelings are feelings because we can’t control them.”

Oh, right, there’s a movie I wanted to watch and review. Despite this being a small scale using only puppets and not trying to disguise how cheap it is at all, it’s pretty well made and makes great use of explosions, violence, editing, and choreography. I mean, it may have a bit of a cheap look to it, but it’s intentional. They don’t try to hide the fact that these are puppets on strings, they don’t even try to hide the fact that many of the characters are voiced by the same 2 guys. This movie knows exactly what it is. A foul mouthed satire of America’s war on terror which attacks everyone on all sides and doesn’t give a fuck. Even so, some of these scenes are actually quite well-made, especially that assault in France intro (whew, speaking of things that could make people uncomfortable nowadays).

I have a bit of a personal story with this movie. When I was much younger, I made a vow to never watch R-rated movies, because I was convinced that they all contain offensive material that I should never be exposed to. I later came to regret that decision. In hindsight, that vow was made for stupid bullshit reasons. But the main reason I regret making that decision is because I missed out on a lot of fun stuff my friends and family did. My friends went off to watch this movie and others like A Clockwork Orange, and they enjoyed themselves, and I chose not to share in that. And this movie, my sister and dad went to see it with a large crowd, and they laughed their asses off at it, and I missed out on the whole thing, by choice. Years later when I decided to cast that fucking vow off to the side, I got to see the movie with some other friends of mine. Know what happened? We all laughed our asses off and had a great time watching it. From that point on, I realized that it’s stupid to restrict yourself like that. It made me lose out on some great experiences that I can never take part in, and I’m never making that same mistake again.

“So lick my butt and suck on my balls!”

I’d imagine this movie would be uncomfortable for people to watch nowadays especially after the election. Because this president is so much more bloodthirsty than any other we’ve ever had (sarcasm). But you know, of all the things that seem to have changed that would make me view this movie differently, make me laugh at it less or make me laugh at it more, that would even be considered a satire, it wasn’t the stereotypical Middle Eastern portrayals (which is clearly done for parody purposes, just in case some of you forget what a satire is and forget that making fun of stereotypes is a joke and is ok to laugh at), or that America is gun-ho about blowing shit up, or their portrayal of Italians, or Koreans, or how actors are just as hypocritical as everything else (bunch of FAGs).

“My acting is what got a thousand people killed! Jesus! It’s happening to me again!”

No, that’s not what took me by surprise for this viewing. The story about the apes beating a kid to death before they all were gassed and killed; boy does that ring some bells.

Guess that kid is going to grow up into an actor who sings about AIDS on broadway before moving on to save the world from North Korea.

For everyone who finds this movie too offensive and too unsettling and too uncomfortable to watch, that’s fine. There are some satires that people can’t take, like those who can’t take Blazing Saddles.  There’s plenty of alternative for them to watch.  For everyone else like me, we’re going to enjoy ourselves and laugh our asses off while we watch dolls fuck each other, and hope that a sequel is made that will bring more of it all.

“Now take your weapons of mass destruction and get the FUCK OUTTA HERE!”

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